You might not have issues with emotional intimacy, but your behavior is telling people otherwise. The real issue could be that you’re shy, introverted, or struggle with empathy. The good news is that by becoming aware of your unintentional behaviors, you can improve your bond with people and find emotional closeness that feels comfortable for you. Here are 15 behaviors that make people think you’re emotionally distant, some of which you may want to change (and some you really shouldn’t!).
1. Your body language is shutting down conversations.
You might be friendly and open with the words you’re saying, but watch your body language! If you’re showing signs that you’re closed off to others like crossing your arms, darting your eyes, or leaning away, you’re sending the opposite message. You want to remain open and accessible, not send the message that you’re better left alone.
2. You don’t like to give hugs.
When someone hugs you, you might not really be big on the physical contact. Maybe you hardly touch them or you just don’t like to squeeze other people. People might see this as cold or aloof, but it could be that you don’t like people being in your space! While you definitely don’t need to change this behavior — you should never do anything you’re uncomfortable with — it would be helpful if people didn’t label you based on your dislike for physical touch.
3. You don’t share your latest good news.
When something big happens, you don’t rush to tell everyone in your contacts list. Maybe you reserve this for people who really know you and who are close to you. Or, maybe you tend to downplay your achievements out of insecurities, so it’s not about other people but your issues with hogging the spotlight. You don’t want to brag, of course, but celebrating your success makes you seem more relatable and down to earth.
4. You don’t get sentimental.
Some people can be sentimental, holding onto love letters from the past or remembering cute relationship milestones. You’re not that way inclined, perhaps because you’re a more practical person. It might help to explain this to people when they can see you’re not interested in their sentimental ideas. It’s not that you don’t care about them, you just show it in a different way. (By the way, if this is something that has derailed your romantic relationships in the past, check out our sister site, Sweetn. They have some super effective tips, tricks, and advice to totally change your love life in just a few weeks.)
5. You’re not touchy-feely.
You might not like to have physical closeness with others. This doesn’t mean you’re emotionally distant, though — it means you have a different love language! Maybe you’d rather focus on words of praise or quality time, as these are more important ways in which you like to receive love.
6. You take a long time to open up.
People who meet you and start dating you might feel frustrated because you’re a closed and locked book, but you take longer to open up about yourself, and that’s okay. Maybe you have trust issues or you’re a painfully private person. Either way, you don’t have to share anything you don’t feel ready to just because other people expect it.
7. You don’t reach out when having a bad day.
©iStock/Persians
You’re fiercely independent, so when you have a bad day, you don’t really feel the need to share it with others. You’d rather focus on taking care of it yourself. People who love you might feel hurt that you never reach out when you need something. They might view your independence as a way for you to keep them at arm’s length.
8. You’re logical instead of emotional.
You’re totally led by your head instead of your heart, so when your partner asks if you’d like to move in with them, you might focus on how it makes sense to split the bills instead of how much you love each other. Sometimes, it can be helpful to get in tune with your feelings and let your heart and head be in sync so your messages are consistent.
9. You don’t send regular texts.
It can be difficult for you to stay in touch with people via text. Maybe you let your friends or partner initiate contact because you’re so busy or you’re not good with texting. Sure, people might think this is code for “I’m not interested,” but maybe you just need to find a different way to communicate that you actually enjoy.
10. You don’t know how to reply to people’s emotions.
You feel uncomfortable around people’s emotional expression. Maybe you struggle with empathy, which can make it difficult to get closer to people. The good news is that you can boost your empathetic response by actively listening to people when they offload their problems.
11. You struggle to listen.
Maybe you’re so easily distracted that you struggle to listen to people. It could be that your mind’s scattered or you’ve got intrusive thoughts that prevent you from focusing on the moment. Or, you’re addicted to your phone. To become a better listener, have chats in a quiet location without distractions and ask the other person questions to engage with them.
12. You love having alone time.
If you need to have regular me-time for long periods of time, people around you might not understand what’s going on. You might even be dating someone who thinks your need for space is actually pushing them away. But it’s not about that! You might just need more time to yourself so you can reflect on your feelings and do what makes you happy.
13. You feel shy around people.
Shyness can sometimes come across as rudeness or emotional distance. You might feel anxious in social settings, which causes you to give one-word answers. Or, you struggle with eye contact. By working on your shyness, such as by boosting your confidence, you can deal with this and prevent misunderstandings with those you love.
14. You exit difficult conversations.
When people want to talk about heavy or sensitive topics, you might find yourself shutting down. Perhaps it’s not that you’re emotionally distant, but rather that you’re afraid of conflict or afraid of expressing yourself out of fear of being rejected. There’s a deeper issue at play that you should work on so you can connect with your partner.
15. You don’t always want to be around people.
If you’re an introvert, you probably feel stressed around others and you’d prefer to have one-on-one outings with your partner instead of going on group dates. When your partner suggests you meet their family, you might freak out or need time to think about it. To prevent them from feeling brushed off, explain your introversion.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
