Being A Good Woman Can Make Dating So Much Harder

If you’re a strong, smart, independent woman who has her act together, dating is even more of a crapfest than usual. You’d think being a total catch would make finding love easier, but in fact, it seems to be the complete opposite. Here’s why dating sucks so badly for good women:

  1. Bitch is the new babe. It doesn’t make much sense, but it seems that the more awful a person is, the better they fare in the dating game. Apparently, guys like a girl with an attitude problem — that’s how it feels, anyway. When you’re kind, generous, and completely authentic, somehow you also become completely oblivious to a large portion of single guys. WTF is up with that?
  2. A lot of guys are thrown off by sincerity. In the age of embellishment, sincerity is a rare quality, especially in the dating world. Everyone is throwing their best selves out there, leaving out anything that might seem to ruin their perfectly constructed (and largely false) image, so when a good woman shows up and is truly authentic, she’s perceived as weird and not in a good way.
  3. You refuse to play dating games. It’s unfortunate to say, but it seems like those who play the game manage to do better when it comes to finding love and relationships than those who don’t. You refuse to stoop to that level, though — you’d like to find a guy but you’re not that desperate. When you like someone, you’re upfront about it. You text when you want to text, ask them to hang out, and generally let them know where you’re at. There’s no reason to play coy or follow conventional dating “rules” which only encourage the B.S. that makes dating so frustrating to begin with.
  4. You know exactly what you want. A good woman knows exactly what she’s looking for when it comes to love and she won’t compromise on any of it. It’s a good thing for you but it makes dating that much harder because for the most part, settling is the easiest way to find a relationship. You’re determined to hold out for as long as it takes to meet a guy who’s on your level, but it feels downright impossible at times.
  5. You always end up with the wrong people. It isn’t because you’re stupid or oblivious to the fact that most guys aren’t worth your time; it’s because you always go above and beyond to see that speck of goodness in everyone you meet. It’s a blessing and a curse to see the light in all people, especially when it comes to dating, because it means a lot of jerks and losers get through your defenses because you wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
  6. You’re so rare, guys tend to think you can’t possibly be real. Sometimes a genuinely good woman is assumed to be as fake as Photoshop. It’s not your fault that you’re seen that way, of course — it’s just because genuinely amazing people are rare, so when one does actually come along, people can’t be sure that you’re not too good to be true.
  7. Double standards are still alive and thriving. It seems totally acceptable for guys in their 30s or even older to be single and loving it, but the same certainly doesn’t apply to women. If you’re alone past a certain age, you’re seen as defective in some way. It shouldn’t be this way, but it is, and unfortunately the longer you roll solo because you haven’t yet met an amazing guy who’s on your level, the harder it is to actually find him.
  8. Fewer and fewer people want to see dating through. In the age of Tinder hookups, it’s hard for anyone to find a genuine connection with another person, not just good women. When you really are the cream of the crop and you want something just as great are you are, it’s almost impossible to find because the guy you’re looking at building a future with probably just got another Tinder match.
  9. Good women aren’t in short supply. But it seems that good men are, so when you’re dating, that just makes the pool feel so shallow that it’s almost pointless to even bother wading in. It seems like all the good men have been snatched up already or are too busy to date at all. You know that’s likely not the case and that there are some amazing guys out there, but where the hell are they?
  10. There’s less of a focus on romance. While good women are busy getting their acts together, all the less-than-great women are looking for men to step up and take care of their crap for them. This makes it that much harder to date because when it comes time to find a real relationship, men are as weary of the good women as they are of the hookup girls.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.