Drunk Texting: Why It’s A Turn-Off And How To Stop Doing It

In a perfect world, we’d all lock our phones away behind an impossible-to-crack safe once we started drinking and we wouldn’t get them out until we were sober again. Unfortunately, that’s not what happens and more often than not, we end up drunk texting the guy we’re seeing/used to date/wish we were with and it all ends in disaster. Ugh, the worst.

While it’s not exactly a recommended behavior, drunk texting is incredibly common. In a study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, a whopping 89% of respondents admitted to texting while drunk, proving that we’re all pretty much incapable of putting down our phones when under the influence.

While you might not say anything super crazy/inappropriate, chances are that when you’re sober, you’ll look back at the message you sent while under the influence and wish you hadn’t. The same study found that 43.6% of respondents felt guilty about drunk texting while 51.7% regretted texting, calling, or posting on social media while drinking.

Why drunk texting is such a turn-off

  1. He’ll assume you’re thinking about him. When you’re out, surrounded by alcohol, friends, and fun, the last thing you should be focused on is a guy who isn’t there with you. If he is heavily on your mind, do you really want him to know that?? Of course not. That’ll get you nowhere. So don’t pull out your phone and text him.
  2. Desperation isn’t cute. Let’s turn the tables — what do you think when a guy starts drunk texting you? He must be desperate, right? If a guy seems overly eager, like when he’s drunk texting, we assume he has zero other options. Basically, we assume he’s desperate and that’s why he’s clinging on to us for dear life. This instantly turns us off so, why do we assume it’s different when we’re the ones messaging?
  3. You shut down an opportunity to create mystery and even a little jealousy. You’re cute and guys know it.  Because of this, he’ll assume that when you’re in a social setting, you’re going to get hit on and talk to other guys. This is a good thing — it’s what keeps guys on their toes! When they feel the slightest bit threatened, it increases their desire for you. Drunk texting, on the other hand, conveys the message, sure, there are other guys here but I’m so into you that I don’t care about them. I’d rather sit here in the corner like an antisocial freak and text you. 
  4. You’re exhibiting a lack of self-control. We do a lot of things while under the influence of alcohol that we typically wouldn’t do sober. This is because drinking hinders our ability to make clear decisions. If you’re texting things you typically wouldn’t say while sober, he’s going to assume you aren’t fully in control of yourself and your actions. Major turn-off.
  5. It kills the chase. The chase is over and you’ve come in last place. Guys enjoy the thrill of knowing you’re somewhat, but not 100% interested, making it their mission to get you hooked. A drunken text is the clearest way to let a guy know that he has your full interest and that any further work on his end is unnecessary. You’re now a fish on his line. (This is typically about the time he’ll get bored and see what other fish are out there).
  6. He’ll wonder what happened to that strong, independent woman he was initially attracted to. Men like women who have a strong sense of self and don’t seem to need a guy in their life to be happy. And while being independent is really attractive, the opposite isn’t – show a guy you’re clingy and focused on him and, within seconds, he’s no longer intrigued.
  7. He’ll wonder if you’re really this sloppy. Chances are that he likes going out with the guys for a few beers at the weekend, so the fact that you’re out drinking isn’t the problem. However, when you start drunk texting a guy, he’ll start to wonder if you’re too much of a partier and if you have an alcohol problem. If he’s a bit more mature and has moved past that stage of his life, he won’t take too kindly to this.

How to keep yourself from drunk texting

As I said, this happens to the best of us, but if you need some help to rein in your messaging habit while drunk, here are some things you can do.

  1. Call in reinforcement. One of the best ways to make sure drunk texting doesn’t feature heavily in your nights out is to ask your friends to keep an eye on you. If they see you reaching for your phone, they should step in and put a stop to it before you can make a big mistake.
  2. Leave your phone at home or at least out of sight. If at all possible, leave your phone at home when you know you’re going to be having a bunch of alcohol. If that’s not possible because you need it to book an Uber or simply to stay safe, tuck it away in your bag where you can’t easily get to it so that you’re less tempted to start texting once you get drunk.
  3. Have fewer drinks. There’s nothing wrong with going out and getting a bit buzzed, but do you really need to drink so much that you lose all sense of inhibition? Maybe order fewer cocktails at the bar and don’t feel quite so out of control. You’ll be glad you did when you wake up the next morning.
  4. Consider an app. Because this is such a big problem for many people, there are specialty apps that can keep you from drunk texting if you just can’t help yourself. Drunk Text Savior is a popular one, as are Drunk Mode and TUI stopper. There’s even an app called On Second Thought, which is a messaging system that lets you take back your messages within the first 60 seconds of sending them.