I Blindsided Him With A Breakup & It Still Haunts Me Sometimes

Blindsiding someone with a breakup is rarely a classy move, but sometimes, it feels like the only way out of a relationship that just isn’t working. When I did it to someone who honestly didn’t deserve it, I pretty much up and left without giving him a reason as to why. But if I could talk to him now, this is what I’d say:

I didn’t want a relationship at first. 

I was just looking for a hookup — someone I could see casually with out any pressure. To be honest, I thought you wanted the same thing. We never really talked about dating but instead sort of fell into our relationship. One minute we were hooking up on the weekends, and the next we were going out to romantic dinners. Our relationship went from 0 to 100 in only a few short weeks. I could’ve told you to slow down, but I didn’t want to. I liked the attention you were giving me, and I didn’t want it to end.

You made me feel special.

You were the first guy who treated me like the girlfriends in the movies. You brought me flowers when I was sad, made me soup when I was sick, and let me be as indecisive as I needed to be. Our relationship was amazing, but at the same time, it made everything so predictable. The first time you told me you loved me, I saw it coming a mile away. It felt like I was living through a timeline that wasn’t my own. I felt trapped, and I probably should’ve told you that sooner.

You’re always on my mind.

I think about you all the time. I replay our relationship over and over in my head. Sometimes I feel like an idiot for letting you go, and sometimes I’m proud that I was actually able to end it despite how much I didn’t want to. You showed me what a good boyfriend is supposed to be, and I’m truly thankful for that. We don’t talk anymore, and that sucks. But, I want you to know that I care about you, and I always will.

You were great in bed.

Not to sound crass, but you were the best penis I’ve ever had. Sleeping with you was one of my favorite hobbies. When we had sex, we were completely in tune. You knew just what to do, and I’ve never been with someone so aware of my needs before. Don’t think I only stayed with you because you were great in bed, though. That may have been one reason, but it definitely wasn’t the only reason. I liked you, I just didn’t like you enough to stick around.

You taught me a lot. 

Every relationship is meant to teach us something, and I walked away from you having learned a lot. My feeling for you weren’t as strong as they should’ve been, but that didn’t stop us from having a good relationship. It may sound strange, but I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was until I met you. You prepared me for my other relationships, and I can’t thank you enough for that.

Hurting you was never my intention.

I’m not sorry for breaking up with you, but I’m sorry for the way I did it. No one deserves to be blindsided by someone they trust. You loved me, and I took advantage of that. I should’ve treated you with respect, but instead I lied to you every single day. I knew we wouldn’t be together long-term, and I let you believe we had a future anyway. You probably feel like I wasted your time, and as much as I hate to say it, I feel like I did too.

It wasn’t you, it was me.

You were a great boyfriend, but our personalities didn’t really match. You liked the outdoors, and I think I’m allergic to nature. I’m the kind of girl who walks away from a crisis, and you’re the type of person who runs towards one. I hated how good you were at fixing people’s problems, especially,when you started to try to fix mine. I didn’t want that. You were just too nice, too present, and too perfect, and I wasn’t ready to handle someone like that.

I can’t explain my reasons.

I don’t blame you for hating me — I treated you like crap, and I don’t even know why. I was happy, but it wasn’t the kind of happiness I needed in a relationship. You didn’t complete me, and if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that I didn’t complete you either. We simply weren’t meant to be together. You can hate me all you want, but you’re better off without me.

I wasn’t truly over my ex.

I was left with an empty space after my last relationship ended, and I used you to fill it. But don’t forget that you used me, too. You didn’t really love me — there’s no way you could’ve. The relationship started too fast, and our “feelings” for each other came out of nowhere. That tells me we were both trying to fill a void. Still, just because we both made a mistake doesn’t mean it was right of be to be with you when I wasn’t completely over someone else.

I wish you the best.

 I’m truly sorry I wasn’t your person. You deserve to find real love that you can be proud of. I never brought out the best qualities in you, and that’s because I wasn’t right for you. But you’ll find someone who is.

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