Having your partner fall in love with someone else is a fear shared by both men and women. No matter how strong your relationship is and how long you’ve been together, there’s never a guarantee that things are going to last forever — or that someone else won’t catch his eye eventually. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re going to end up cheating on you, but sometimes emotional cheating can be even worse. Here are a few signs your boyfriend is in love with someone else.
- He lacks enthusiasm around you. If your boyfriend doesn’t seem that thrilled to be spending time with you, he may be subconsciously wishing he was somewhere else or with someone else. It’s hard to fake like you want to be with someone when you’re fixated on someone else. Also, most guys aren’t savvy enough to pretend like they’re still happy with you when there’s someone else on their mind.
- Small gestures cease. In any good relationship, there are small gestures couples do for one another. Maybe he brings you flowers or a small treat once or twice a week just because. Maybe he cooks you pancakes on Saturday morning a special way just for you. Whatever those gestures may be, if they stop, it could be a sign that your boyfriend has feelings for another woman. Of course, you don’t want to be too quick to overreact. It’s possible he’s just getting lazy and complacent, which isn’t ideal either. However, if a guy is focused on someone else, he’s no longer thinking of little ways to make you happy.
- He stops sharing. If your boyfriend is no longer eager to share important details of his day or willing to talk about anything serious, it’s possible he’s having those talks with someone else. If he’s never been that willing to open up to you, then this is less of an issue. However, if your relationship has gone from sharing everything with each other to only having superficial conversations and small talk, there may be a problem.
- He’s less attentive during sex. Let’s be honest, a guy is not going to pass on sex. Even if he’s no longer in love with you, he’s not going to say no if you’re in the mood. However, he may not be as into as normal. If your boyfriend is less concerned with trying to meet your sexual needs, that’s a bad sign for a number of reasons. If he zones out and doesn’t seem to be paying attention to you, it’s possible that he’s thinking about someone else he’s met and how he’d rather be sleeping with that person.
- He avoids eye contact with you. When you’re head over heels in love with someone, you want to look at them as often as possible. Even if you’ve been with someone for a few years, you’re certainly not going to avoid looking at them unless something is up. If your boyfriend isn’t making an effort to make eye contact with you, it could be a sign of emotional cheating. If he’s become fixated on someone else, he won’t care about making an effort to look into your eyes.
- No More PDA. If your boyfriend has never been a fan of PDA, don’t worry about this one, but if he’s usually down for holding hands or sharing a kiss in public and suddenly isn’t, that’s a problem. If a guy has feelings for someone else, in his mind he’s cheating on her if he’s willing to be affectionate with you, especially in public.
- He avoids going out with you in public. Avoiding PDA is one thing, but if he doesn’t want to go anywhere public with you, there’s definitely a problem. This is a sign that he doesn’t want the outside world to look at you as a couple. He definitely doesn’t want the other woman he loves to see the two of you together. This isn’t necessarily a sign that he’s already cheating on you or planning to break up, but it’s a good indicator that he’s torn between you and someone else emotionally.
- Your relationship lacks a spark. Obviously, this can happen once you’re out of the honeymoon phase and you start settling into a committed relationship. But even at that stage, there should still be some chemistry between the two of you. If there’s not, then there’s definitely someone wrong with your relationship. One possible explanation is that he’s fallen for another and just doesn’t have strong feelings toward you anymore.
- You suspect him of lying. If a guy falls in love with someone new, it’s only a matter of time until he starts telling lies. For the record, we guys may be lying to ourselves about having feelings for someone else, but that doesn’t change the fact that we will lie to you so that you don’t think we’re cheating on you, even if we haven’t yet. If you spot your boyfriend exhibiting tell-tale signs of lying, there’s a good chance he’s developed feelings for someone else.
- He finds an excuse to touch his suspected crush. If you suspect your boyfriend has fallen for someone you know, a friend or a co-worker perhaps, and he makes an excuse to give her a hug, a high-five, or touch her in any way, you now have evidence he’s in love with someone else. To be clear, there is a difference between evidence and proof, but we guys can be a little handsy if you haven’t noticed. If we’re into someone, we’ll look for any excuse to touch them, even in a completely innocent and non-sexual way. If your boyfriend tries to initiate physical contact of any kind with another woman, he may be emotionally cheating on you.
What to do when you think your boyfriend is in love with someone else
- Don’t start slinging accusations. While you may be upset, angry, etc., the worse thing you can do is to confront your boyfriend preemptively and start accusing him of cheating on you and/or betraying you. Not only will this not work out the way you want it to, you run the risk of royally pissing him off and irreparably ruining your relationship if you turn out to be wrong. Take a deep breath and keep your feelings to yourself for the time being.
- Do some investigation of your own. At some point, you will need to broach the topic of your boyfriend being in love with someone else with the man himself (if he doesn’t do it first), but you do need to come armed with some actual evidence when you do. That means you need to do some investigating to determine if your hunch is actually true. Is he doing shady things? Have you caught him in a compromising situation? Try to figure out if you’re just being paranoid or if there’s a basis to your suspicions.
- Confront him with your proof. When you feel like you have some concrete evidence that your boyfriend is in love with someone else, you need to call him on it. Let him know what you discovered and how it makes you feel. Then ask him where he stands and, if he is indeed into someone else, why he never bothered to be honest with you about it. Don’t be fooled by his weak excuses or vague apologies. Stay strong and assert your worth.
- Decide to walk away. If your boyfriend is in love with someone else, there’s really no other option but to walk away from the relationship. You can’t stay with someone who isn’t fully invested in you and both of you should be free to be with people that you actually want to be with. As painful as it is, be strong enough to walk away and wish him the best.