Dating an emotionally unavailable man is a common experience for most women but I never understood just how frustrating and downright heartbreaking it could be until it happened to me. While I did eventually manage to break down his walls, there was no happy ending on the other side.
HE WAS SO WARM AT FIRST. I didn’t see it coming. This guy was so kind, so open about himself, and oh-so-eager to share his stories with me. He was almost too good to be true, which should have been the first red flag. Still, we knew each other from our school days so we had history and it was insanely obvious that he liked me. And, as we’d matured from those good ol’ school days, there was no game playing. We bumped into each other randomly one day and fell into dating naturally.
WE MOVED AT A GOOD, STEADY PACE. There wasn’t any rushing about. We didn’t kiss prematurely or sleep together too soon—it all happened very leisurely and at our own pace. However, it wasn’t long before things started looking really shady.
HE NEVER OPENLY SAID HE LIKED ME. Sure, he would always be down for seeing me or going on a little date, but we never had a conversation about what we were to each other or talked about those important things called feelings. In fact, he never even hinted at what I meant to him. I tried to joke about it with him once or twice in the very beginning and was met with a stone-cold silence so unbearable that I had to swiftly change the subject. #awkward
COMMUNICATION WAS SERIOUSLY LACKING. When we were apart, he hardly messaged me and always blamed it on his high-powered job. In hindsight, I realize that he hardly messaged me because he blatantly didn’t care enough. When we were together, he was always very chatty but never about the truly serious stuff. As a newly single gal with a lot of feelings for the first new guy that made her smile since her long-term relationship, it became incredibly frustrating.
HE WAS SO HOT AND COLD. He was like a freakin’ faucet. As time went on, his behavior became more and more confusing. When we were together, one minute he was showering me with kisses and the next minute, he was jumping out of bed as soon as we’d finished having sex. (Note to guys: this makes us feel worthless. Never do this.)
I COULDN’T FIGURE HIM OUT. This guy was seriously puzzling me. He flat out refused to talk about his feelings and whenever I approached the subject, he’d always make a joke of it or say he “liked where we were” and insisted we didn’t need to analyze it. Unfortunately, I was all too aware of how easy NOT talking about it made guys to crap all over you and break your heart, so it was important to me.
HE’D BEEN BADLY BURNED IN THE PAST. I tried so hard to be patient with him to start with, as I know some people are better at talking about emotions than others. He’d also let a few details slip about his past when we’d been heavily consuming alcohol on one particular date night. He’d been severely hurt by a past girlfriend, but you know what? We’ve all been there. We’ve all been hurt. It doesn’t mean you can leave future romantic partners in the dark.
I FINALLY SNAPPED. I have to admit, I got a little angry with him in the end. I’d had enough of question-dodging and not even a hint that this was going somewhere, anywhere—or that he even liked me enough to pursue something. In the whole few months we’d been dating prior to that conversation, I tried so many times to find something to hold on to, but there was nothing. I saw red. It wasn’t fair for him to shut me out any longer, so I demanded to know what the hell was going on.
HE BECAME CRUEL. He finally told me he didn’t particularly like me that way, he didn’t see a future, and it was just a bit of fun for him for the time being. This is certainly not what you want to hear when you’d been hoping for months that this would turn into something amazing. I was gobsmacked because his affection when we were together was overwhelming at times. We clearly had a connection. Stupidly, I didn’t challenge him and said I was okay with “just a bit of fun”—however, I don’t think he believed me judging by the look on my face.
HE GHOSTED ME. This story doesn’t have a happy ending, folks. This guy became even more distant after our conversation. He hardly replied to my messages and then I heard through mutual friends that he was seeing other people. I was distraught as I thought we were going somewhere. Clearly, I was wrong. After a while, he stopped replying to my messages at all. He ghosted me. He clearly stopped caring enough to even send me a courtesy message to let me know he didn’t want to see me anymore. It was the worst feeling ever. Never again.