If You Can’t Accept That I’m A Terrible Texter, It’s Never Going To Work

If You Can’t Accept That I’m A Terrible Texter, It’s Never Going To Work ©iStock/Portra

There are lots of people out there who are awesome at responding to texts in a timely manner. I’m not one of them. It’s not that I try to ignore people — I’m just forgetful, lazy, and yes, a little old-fashioned when it comes to communicating via text. Some guys can deal with it, but if you’re someone who gets mad when a girl doesn’t reply to you within five minutes, here’s why you’re better off pursuing someone else:

  1. I can’t deal with clingy. If I leave my phone at home while I run to the store and come back to fifteen unread messages from you, I’m going to want to run. Jumping down my throat or constantly bugging me about replying to you isn’t endearing, and it’s not going to magically transform me into an textpert — it’s just going to really, really make me want to break up with you.
  2. I will never be that person who’s constantly on my phone. I’ve never been the type to rely on my phone for entertainment, and it’s not uncommon for me to go a day or two without charging my phone once the battery dies. It’s not because I’m trying to be a hipster — I’m just not a phone-loving person. That’s not going to change any time soon, so if my lackluster reply times are bugging you now, we’re definitely not a pair that’s built to last.
  3. Yes, I am easily distracted. My short-term memory is the worst, so I’ll often read a text, then get distracted and forget to reply until a few hours later. If you consider that a sign for how I am in other aspects of life, well, you’re right. My mind is constantly bouncing around, and I don’t fault anyone for not being able to handle that in a partner. Should you be one of the people who considers that a red flag, I won’t hold it against you.
  4. I have too much going on to always be staring at a screen. I’m a busy woman with work to do, bills to pay, and goals to achieve. With all that I do on a daily basis, personal messages often get put on the back burner unless they’re urgent. Even if I love you more than anyone else in the world, I probably will never love you enough to be checking my phone every two minutes to see if you’ve messaged me.
  5. If something is really that important, you should call me. It drives me absolutely nuts when someone has something important to tell me, relays it over text, and then gets mad at me when I don’t immediately respond. I hate phone calls as much as the next twenty-something, but if you have something urgent to tell me, just make the damn call. A dude who gets pissy at me for not worrying about what I thought was an ordinary text message is not one I’ll put up with for very long.
  6. I prioritize the people who are directly in front of me. I hate it when my friends are on their phones the entire time I’m hanging out with them, so I try not to do the same to them when we’re together. Before you get annoyed with me for that, it would do you well to remember that I’ll give you the same respect when we’re together, whether it’s on a romantic date or just bumming around watching Netflix. If I’m ignoring your messages while I’m out, it’s because I’m giving someone else the same attention I’d give you if you were in their place.
  7. Even if I’m nuts about you, I need space away from you sometimes. I’m not just a bad texter for people I feel so-so about; even when I’m madly in love with someone, I’m still horrible about replying to them sometimes. I enjoy moderation, and I’ll never be the type of girl who comes home from hanging out with you all day and then wants to text non-stop until I fall asleep. I like to have time to be disconnected from the world, and even if YOU are my world, I’m still going to need a break from you sometimes.
  8. I would never expect you to be on the phone all the time for me. Double standards are not my thing. If I take a few hours to respond to your messages, I’m not going to be mad when you do the same thing, whatever the reason may be. If it’s that important, I’ll do what I expect you to do and call. For me, it’s important to have a partner who makes the life beyond his screen his priority, and I’m totally fine if replying to my messages comes in second place to what you’re doing in real life.
  9. I want someone who values my detachment from technology. Even in today’s world where technology is a huge and inevitable part of daily life, I still love it when people can leave all that behind for a while and appreciate the world around them. I would never date someone who couldn’t survive a few hours without his phone, and I would hope that a person who was interested in me would feel the same way. My lousy texting patterns might not be the greatest, but I do take pride in the fact that I don’t rely on my phone to maintain relationships, and I would hope that a potential boyfriend would love that about me rather than criticizing me for it.
  10. I’m not always a bad texter. If you really need me, but can’t or don’t want to talk on the phone or in person, I will absolutely drop what I’m doing to message you. When it comes down to it, I want to be there for the people I care about, and even my terrible texting habits are no match for my desire to make my loved ones happy.
  11. My lousy texting is no reflection on how I feel about you. Every best friend, beloved family member, and ex-boyfriend has seen my horrible texting habits firsthand, so you’re not the first to receive a few hours of silence after telling me you love me. It’s really nothing personal; it’s just who I am, and whether you consider it a flaw or a virtue, it’s a part of me you’ll have to deal with if you want to be with me.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.