If You Can’t Fart Around Him, He’s Not The One

In the early stages of a relationship, it’s completely normal to try and look (and smell) as good as you possibly can. If we were gross and smelly right from the start, our partners would never give us the time of day, would they? Once you’ve been together for awhile, though, these 10 things really shouldn’t be a big deal.

  1. Passing the loudest, nastiest (and deadliest) fart Yes, women fart, duh. Any guy who thinks we don’t is dumb AF. Passing gas is one of the most natural and unpreventable things in the world, but if you need to step out to fart so your guy doesn’t think you’re obnoxious/gross then perhaps you’re not that close to each other yet. I’m not saying you should deliberately fart loudly in his presence because that can be seen as rude, but if you’re truly comfortable with each other, this shouldn’t be a problem at all.
  2. Burping like a drunk old man Admit it, it grosses us out when anyone, especially a woman, lets out a loud burp. It’s like we’ve been conditioned to believe that burping isn’t ladylike and so we always try to prevent it or try to make it sound less loud. But that’s not fair at all—we have digestive systems too and sometimes we just have to burp. And if your guy truly loves you, burping should never change how they see or feel about you. In fact, he should find it awesome!
  3. Taking a crap in their presence A lot of men have never seen their significant others take a crap. And that makes sense—pooping is natural but gross, after all, and we’d rather keep it private. But what if you need to poop while your boyfriend is doing something in the bathroom? Sure, many women hold it in until they can have the bathroom all to themselves, but if your significant other really is “The One” then you should be able to poop in his presence without any issue. If he has common sense, he already knows that women poop too.
  4. Talking to them while sporting a nasty morning breath Unless you’re an anomaly or you use a special product, you’ll always have morning breath. Of course, you don’t want your significant other to smell that, but when you sleep in the same bed and wake up at the same time, he’s bound to smell that rankness. Don’t be afraid to talk to him or give him good morning kisses just because your breath smells a bit bad—it’ll probably turn him off at first but if you do it every day, he won’t even care after a while.
  5. Throwing up all over the place after getting wasted Or, if you’re not the type to get wasted, then throwing up all over the place when you’re sick AF. No one likes vomiting and you’d do anything to prevent this from happening but sometimes crap happens. If he really the right guy for you, instead of getting mad at you or running away, he’d take good care of you, maybe help you shower and put on some clean clothes, and watch over you to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit. It’s actually kinda sweet.
  6. Displaying your unshaven legs and armpits This doesn’t apply to everyone since some women don’t shave in general, but it’s still important if it does apply. When your relationship gets really serious and stable, looking attractive is no longer your top priority. If the love you share is true, displaying your unshaven body parts won’t discourage your guy from finding you hot as hell. Obviously, if he thinks it’s a deal breaker, he’s not the right guy and you’re better off with someone a little less shallow.
  7. Picking your nose like it’s the end of the world Have you ever had that strong urge to pick your nose but did all you could to prevent yourself from doing it because you know it’s a little uncouth? We’ve all been there. Picking your nose is one of the most unattractive things you can do, but if you just have to dig for gold and your guy doesn’t care about it, you just may have found “The One.” If you haven’t tried this yet and are reluctant, you can start by using a cotton swab to clean your nose. That’s what I do—it’s cleaner and less unattractive.
  8. Sharing your most eccentric thoughts, ideas, hobbies, and interests Some of us (or all of us?) have a very crazy side that we normally don’t want people to know. But our significant others aren’t like other people—they’re our other partners in crime and so we should be able to talk to them about our nastiest and grossest thoughts. If you can’t open up about your realest feelings, you’re with the wrong guy.
  9. Going makeup-free A lot of women already do this, but those who think they’re not naturally attractive have a hard time showing their natural, untouched face to their significant other. This shouldn’t be the case at all. If your guy truly loves you then he should be able to accept all your flaws, physical or otherwise.
  10. Showing your sweaty side If you work out, being sweaty a few hours a day is totally normal for you. However, sometimes women find it embarrassing to be sweaty around their significant other and they worry about how bad they smell. Well, don’t worry about it. Men sometimes find sweaty women attractive, especially if they know they’ve been working out. Plus, if he’s “The One,” he’s gonna be proud of you for taking good care of your body.
I'm a nomad and anime nerd who loves rock climbing and traveling.