Why Can’t Guys Be As Smooth In Person As They Are Over Text?

There’s nothing quite like that first text convo with a random guy you met on Tinder. Everything seems so new and exciting. He’s coming at you with all this insanely clever stuff that is linked to your personal interests and profile pics. However, once you get to the actual date part, he’s nothing like the quick-witted, smooth-talking dude you knew and loved. He’s awkward AF and now everything’s ruined.

  1. It makes first dates incredibly awkward. I find the guys who have a million things to say over text are always the most awkward in actual conversation. First dates are awkward by nature, it’s true, but the smoother the guy is over text, the smoother he should be in person. Otherwise, it just gets weird and kinda ruins the night.
  2. It makes me automatically lose trust. If this guy is lying about how funny and charming he is, I wonder what else he could be lying about. It doesn’t leave the best taste in my mouth when he’s going off about all this interesting stuff in his messages and then when I ask him about the same thing in person, he just shrugs and gives me a generic answer. It makes me think he’s hiding something… possibly his sense of humor?
  3. It makes me think that he’s talkative when he’s really not. He’s a regular Malcolm Motor-Mouth in writing, but in person, he’s more like a Silent-Sam. I’m actually looking for an outgoing guy to date and his texts are showing me that he can definitely carry a conversation well, so here I am expecting a full night of long talks and good times… and not getting any of that from him. All I’m getting is a couple of blinks and maybe a head nod.
  4. I’m expecting some James Bond type to show up at the date, but he never comes… I know it’s a little unrealistic to expect an actual debonair dreamboat to show up, but hey — he set the bar that high with his captivating texts. No one will ever be as smooth as Bond, so not sure why he even tried.
  5. I’d rather he just be himself. We could have saved a lot of weirdness and disappointment if only he acted like himself all along. That way, when he shows up on the date, I don’t know what to expect and might even be able to see some positive attributes in him instead of thinking how much he isn’t like his text-persona.
  6. It’s almost like he’s trying to trick me and that’s weird. If this is his way of trying to trick me into letting him get in my pants, it’s just not gonna work. Sorry, dude. He has to actually be cool in real life for me to sleep with him, and even then I may not be totally convinced.
  7. I’m going to assume he copied and pasted his messages. Weird! If I find out that a guy copied and pasted his texts to me from some pick-up website, I’m going to be both weirded out and shocked that he didn’t think I would find out. The thing is, if a guy doesn’t measure up to his texts IRL, I’m not going to just let it slide — I’m going to assume that he’s a weird pick-up artist who can’t rely on just being himself to get a girl. Not impressed.
  8. If he’s awkward in real life, I wish he’d be awkward in his texts. Honestly, guys need to text like they talk. Girls like a consistent guy, myself included. I’m not going to think it’s weird that he only texted me “ok” or “sounds good” or any of those other “boring” phrases because at least I know that he can say those words in real life. They should try it. Consistency. It’s sexy.
  9. Sexting out of bounds can ruin everything. It’s so freaking awkward when a guy sexts before the first date and it’s often the reason why I cancel at the last minute. Yes, I might have sex with him in the near future, but if he’s not showing up with a rose in his mouth and a paid violinist, I’m just not going to believe that he really has the confidence to even bring it up.
  10. It makes me question how he lives his entire life. This is a little much, but when my whole image of a person gets shattered upon meeting them, it kinda makes me wonder… what does he do with his life? He made himself sound way too good to be true and now I’m just here feeling sorry for him and wondering if he’s gonna be okay.
  11. I feel dumb for falling for it. No matter how many times I get tricked into believing a guy could really be as cool as he is in his messages, I end up falling for it all over again. It makes me feel like such an idiot that I didn’t pick up on the fact that there’s a reason this guy has viewed my profile 65 times. He’s not a cool guy, he’s a bit creepy and also a little bit sad.
  12. I’m not going to assume he’s just shy. He might be going into the date thinking that I’ll give him a pass because he’s a shy guy. Nope! I’m going to be too weirded out to have any sympathy. He chose to dig his grave, now he’s gonna lie in it. That’s a bit dramatic, but what I’m trying to say is… the date is over.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.