I Can’t Seem To Find A Half-Decent Guy No Matter What I Do

Is it just me, or is the amount of good guys dwindling with every passing day? Finding a decent dude to date has become almost impossible despite the fact that I know they’re definitely out there. WTF is going on here?

  1. So many guys just want to hook up. If I get another picture of his junk from a guy, I’m going to lose it! It’s become so much easier to hook up these days, especially since we can use technology to get dirty via text. Plus, there are so many dating apps that enable you to find people in your neighborhood, do the deed, and never speak again. Now that it’s so easy to get laid, it seems that a lot of guys don’t want to put forth the effort to do anything else.
  2. There are loads of guys who are just jerks. Okay, so there are lots of women who are crappy people too, but let’s talk about the guys. So many of them are out for themselves, selfish in the sack, commitment-phobes… you get the picture. I’ve met a lot of guys in the last five or so years who have serious issues, too. I’m talking jerkdom to a whole new level: they’re narcissists and psychopaths. It’s enough to leave me jaded.
  3. First dates can make me break into a sweat. I’ve been on a lot of first dates that went nowhere — I call them one-hit wonders. Why is this the case? Is it just because I’m fussy, or are there just way too many crappy guys out there? I honestly think it’s a mix of both. I have high standards and won’t settle for the guys who rock up in a tracksuit and bore me to death with talk about themselves. Check, please!
  4. All I hear are stories about how terrible men are. If it’s not my bestie telling me about how terribly her new boyfriend is treating her, it’s the single ladies telling me that they’re sick and tired of meeting losers. Ugh. I try to put it in perspective, but it seems pretty clear that toxic men are becoming an epidemic. They’re everywhere!
  5. So many guys are flaky. The amount of mixed signals I’ve received from guys is just insane. They might say they want to go on a date but then not make much of an effort, or they promise to call but then don’t. It’s so frustrating. What’s going on with all these mixed messages?
  6. Some guys are playing a partYou know when you go on a few dates with a guy and think he’s awesome, then BAM! — he turns into a complete jerk? It’s the worst. He’s suddenly less tolerant, nasty to the waiter, and arrogant. WTF? I’ve experienced this a lot and it seems guys play the role of Mr. Perfect just to get women interested in them. This is even worse than meeting a jerk and knowing that he’s awful — at least he’s honest.
  7. There are way too many options out there. Don’t get me wrong: I think it’s great that you can swipe right on Tinder loads of times before finding the right guy, but things like dating apps and our hookup culture make it really easy for guys to think they don’t need to stick to one woman because there are so many others out there they can date simultaneously. So when they meet me and find out I’m not into casual sex, they have two options: a) stay and see where things go, or b) run out to the glittery mass of booty calls waiting to happen. Most of the time, they’ll obviously choose the instant gratification of Option B.
  8. The bad boys are glamorized. The problem with finding a good guy is sometimes about how women like bad boys. I loved them for years, only to finally discover that they weren’t as great as they seemed in theory. The confident, mysterious guys were actually arrogant liars who cheated on me. By spending so much time dating the bad boys, I limited my chances of finding the good guys.
  9. Social media has replaced conversation. Everyone’s too used to sitting behind a screen chatting each other up. Happy? Send a smiley-faced emoji. Upset? Send a frowning one. Say “K” when the person suggests coffee and “cool” when the conversation’s over. The result? We’ve forgotten how to speak to each other. No wonder the good guys won’t come over to say hi. They’re hoping to somehow get my number so they can text me instead. Ugh. Can we please go back to good old-fashioned face-to-face conversation?
  10. There’s no more effort made. Remember the days when a guy would make real effort to ask a girl out? You know, when he put thought into how he did it and made her feel special? Yeah, neither do I. It seems that guys have become lazy. They’ll make minimal effort to impress a woman or show her they’re really genuine. It sucks. Bring back the chivalrous men who suited up for dates!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.