If you’re anything like me, one by one, people in your friend group are starting to get engaged and married and you’re… well, not even close to entering that stage in your life. At first, it felt like I was going through a quarter-life crisis because I was so far away from marriage. After watching several friends get engaged and married, however, I realized that I don’t even want a traditional wedding. What’s the big deal?
Marriage just isn’t for everyone.
As all my friends have started getting engaged and married, I began to feel like I was doing life wrong because I wasn’t on the same path. The more self-reflecting I did, the more clear I was able to get on exactly what I want in the future. That’s when I realized marriage just isn’t on the table for me, at least not at this point in my life, and that’s totally okay.
A traditional wedding isn’t the way I would want to celebrate.
Don’t get me wrong, attending other people’s traditional weddings is a blast. However, when I think about what would make me happiest in terms of celebrating a life-long partnership, the conventional setup doesn’t feel like me.
Planning a wedding sounds like my personal nightmare.
Figuring out the food, the guest list, the decor, and the million other aspects that go into planning a wedding sound like a nightmare to me. I already hate organizing a casual night out with friends. There’s no way my stress and anxiety levels are anywhere close to ready for planning the most important night of my life.
All the wedding traditions are downright weird to me.
This might come off a little pessimistic at first, but hear me out. While traditional wedding practices are cute to most people, something about them rubs me the wrong way. A bouquet toss seems unnecessary and weirdly superstitious. Picturing my beau smashing cake in my face sends me into a hot rage, and something about the whole garter toss process feels rather primitive and a little misogynistic to me. Call it pessimism, but I know these traditional wedding practices aren’t on the table for me.
I prefer to have control over the guest list.
“To be honest, this day is really more for my parents. I don’t even know half the people here!” This is something I’ve heard from several brides in the past, and I’m not ashamed to admit that that statement made my skin crawl. If I’m having a wedding, I want complete control over who’s there and who’s not. That may sound a little selfish, but after all, it would be my big day, right?
If I’m going to spend money, it won’t be on a traditional wedding.
This isn’t one of the primary reasons I don’t want a traditional wedding, but it certainly is a factor that pushes me away. The average wedding costs well over $10,000, and right now, I can’t imagine spending that much money for an event that would present more anxiety than happiness.
I picture myself getting too wrapped up in trying to make everyone happy.
The more I thought realistically about planning my own wedding, I realized I would get way too caught up in trying to make everybody happy. From the guest list to the food choices, I could already see myself growing paranoid that I would leave someone out. Planning a wedding while trying to make everybody happy is a recipe for disaster.
Picturing myself in the bride’s shoes made me cringe.
At the most recent wedding I attended, I really tried to picture myself in the bride’s shoes. I was imagining myself doing everything she did on her big day. The pictures, being a gracious host, greeting everyone at the reception, AND looking flawless. I started breaking out into hives just picturing myself attempting these commitments. Realizing I don’t want to handle all these things (and probably couldn’t) was one of the most apparent signs that told me a wedding wasn’t my thing.
Unfortunately, I can see myself becoming a bridezilla.
I’ve done a lot of personal development work on myself over the past couple of years and through that journey, I’ve become more in touch with my mindset in different scenarios. Imagining a day packed with socializing, a strict schedule, and all the attention on me gives me stress just thinking about it. The idea of becoming a bridezilla is something that could certainly happen to me if I had a wedding, and I’d rather avoid that!
Everyone’s life path is different.
Overall, I think the one piece of advice that helped me accept I’m not the person ready for a wedding is that everyone’s life path is different. Marriage is absolutely the right move for some people and for others, it simply isn’t, and that’s okay. One direction isn’t better than the other. And I’ve learned (and continue to learn) how to find happiness on my own journey.
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