What Dating Is Like When You Have An Open Heart But A Cynical Mind

Despite the fact that the pitfalls of modern dating have only added to the weight of our baggage from past relationships, we still put ourselves out there again and again in the hopes of finding true, lasting love. We try, we fail. We get hurt, we close off… until we try again. We’re hopeless romantics, but we’re cynical about the possibility of actually coming across Mr. Right. It’s hard, but we’re still trying.

We get excited, even though we’re scared. We meet someone awesome, and it’s like, “Okay great, let’s do this!” and all the while inside we’re like, “Oh damn. Not again. Please no. Okay maybe, but I’m not quite sure… this could be a bad idea. But okay, here we go!” Talk about a great start.

We anticipate and procrastinate at the same time. We’re fired up when getting ready for a first date, but we might push it back or even reschedule just because we get lost in self-doubt because of that one time we were too eager, or that other time we were too available and it didn’t work out. We give a little, and then pull back. We feel eager, and then hesitant because we’re not sure if we can trust it’ll be better this time.

We question everything. Dating is a constant spinning thought of “What does this mean?” His behavior, questions asked, questions answered, common interests, and everything in between is up for interpretation and analysis to try to avoid anything and everything that lead us to be cynical to begin with.

We’re simultaneously hopeful and terrified. We hope for the best, but we fear the worst. You know it’s wrong, but you can’t really help it. It’s all you have. You want something to work out so badly, and you want to remain hopeful, but you bite into that fear because it’s all you know.

We take steps back when we want to move forward. We’ll often feel like when things are going great and we want to keep things progressing, we need to return to our home base emotions instead, so we retreat a little. It’s not because we’re doubting the relationship, it’s because we’re doubting ourselves.

We screw stuff up routinely and unintentionally. Having the jaded side sometimes prominently on display, we’ve definitely screwed stuff up a time or two before and it only added to the problem. Sometimes we wonder why we even bother trying anymore, but it’s that excitement, eagerness, and that hope that this could finally be it that keeps us going back for more.

We’ve tried multiple approaches. We’ve experimented with different ways of beginning a new relationship. We’ve tried the fast approach, the take things slow and the go with the flow. We’re pretty confused as to which one to go with each time we step up to the plate again. But we do it anyways.

Our hearts are in the right place, but our mind takes a while to catch up. We have a vision of what we’re looking for and we set out to find it with all the best intentions. Somewhere along the way, that cynicism starts rearing its head, so we take it out, examine it, and re-adjust, hoping to move forward with more certainty.

We want to do better. Every time we set out to date again, we focus on trying not to let the past haunt us. We don’t always get right immediately, and sometimes it takes us a while, but eventually we’re hopeful that it’ll subside just enough for the right situation to play out. We’re misunderstood sometimes, but the truth is that we want to love more than anything.

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