I’m Done With Casual — I Need Something Real And Lasting

Casual relationships might work for some people, but personally, I can’t take them anymore. I’m done with spending so much time and energy on temporary flings that end up going nowhere, and I need the next guy I date to have the same mentality. From now on, this is why I refuse to go out with anyone who doesn’t want something serious with me:

  1. I’m tired of playing games. The whole process of a casual relationship is so exhausting. I don’t want to have to try to control my jealousy when the guy I’m seeing reveals that I’m not the only woman he’s talking to. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells with everything I do, whether it’s deciding how often I should text him or just making sure I don’t say anything that makes me seem clingy. I need to date someone who’s as over this BS as I am.
  2. I’m not wasting my time on a fling. There was a time when I didn’t care about spending a solid three months on a guy I knew I didn’t have a future with, but that era of my life is over. I may still be fairly young, but that doesn’t mean I want to waste my youth on guys who only want me around until one of us gets bored.
  3. Indecisive men aren’t my type. If a guy can’t figure out what he wants with me, then I’m going to make the decision for him. I have no interest in a man who wobbles back and forth between wanting me forever and only wanting me until the end of the week. If he can’t go all-in, then I’m out.
  4. I’m a grown woman who needs a mature relationship. I’m tired of looking for men and only finding overgrown children. A lot of the guys I meet seem to think they’re still in their early college days when it was completely normal to “hit and quit” every girl they could jump in bed with. I’m so over that behavior, though, and I refuse to date someone whose dating life doesn’t match up with his age.
  5. My heart is exhausted. I’ll admit it: I get attached easily. When you’re as sensitive as I am, it wears you out to keep dating guys who don’t want the same thing that you do. I’m tired of spending so much time bummed out over guys who made me believe that they wanted something real when they really didn’t. My next relationship doesn’t necessarily have to be the one that leads to marriage, but I need to at least know that my desire to make it something serious is mutual.
  6. I’m done settling. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve forced myself to keep things casual with a guy even when I really wanted something more. I guess when you really like someone, you’ll do just about anything to keep them in your life… even if it isn’t exactly what you want. But now, I’ve decided to be a little more selfish. If you don’t want to commit to me, I’m not going to let you keep one foot in and one foot out of what we have. Instead, I’ll move on to someone who treats me like a priority instead of an option.
  7. Keeping things casual hasn’t done me any favors. All of my almost-relationships have left me confused and hurt rather than satisfied and self-assured. At least with a real relationship, I can look back on fond memories I created with someone who really cared about me. I’m never going to find my soulmate by going for guys who are just looking for an easy hookup.
  8. I’m willing to wait. It’s a lot easier to find a casual relationship than a serious one, but that’s just the price you pay for true love. I don’t have anything against men who aren’t looking for anything real right now, but I’m also not going to waste my time on them when I’m looking for something very different. If that means being single a while longer until I can find what I’m looking for, that’s fine by me.
  9. My emotions aren’t toys. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve put my trust into someone who didn’t understand what I’d given him. So many guys who just want something casual seem to have no problem leading women on before letting us come crashing down when they decide they’ve had enough of us. The next time I give my heart away, I’m going to make sure it’s going to someone who intends to take care of it for the long run.
  10. I’m worth it. I may not be perfect, but I’m definitely worth keeping around. I’m not going to spend any more time dating guys who think I’m only good enough to be a friend with benefits or a summer-long fling. If you don’t see me as someone worth lots of your time, I’m not giving you even a little of mine.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.