Like it or not, drinking is a huge aspect of our social lives, especially in our 20s and 30s. Before we settle down into adult lives and serious relationships, we go out to the bar to let off steam and meet our potential future spouse — it’s just what happens. Unfortunately, that phase went a bit too far in my life, especially since I worked in a bar for many years. Alcohol pretty much ruined every relationship I had for years — here’s how:
I either drank too much or they did. I don’t have a drinking problem, but I’ve had my nights. I’ve either dated alcoholics or guys who barely drank at all. Either way, I couldn’t win. The sober guys judged me when I had a few drinks and made snide comments, starting fights with me. The drunken ones made my life a massive headache.
It’s no fun dating an alcoholic… Oh, trust me on this one — I should know. I waited until my late 20s to start dating drunks, and then I was with a couple of doozies. There’s just no way to have a healthy relationship with someone who’s wasted all the time. It’s literally impossible unless you’re also wasted all the time, which I wasn’t. Even that’s not a functional relationship, it’s just okay because you’re both in the same screwed-up boat.
… Or being the one who gets too drunk. I felt comfortable drinking with the guys who didn’t drink as much, but then I would end up pushing my limits. I’ve definitely had to be driven home and made guys pull over so I could puke on the side of the road. I don’t like being a burden on my boyfriends but I definitely have been in the past.
I let all my ugly out when I drink. Ugh. It’s bad. It’s like suddenly I give myself free license to say and do whatever I want, even though it’s still unacceptable. I get depressed, insecure, angry, bitter, and strangely aggressive. I even threatened to throw a beer pong table into a pool in Vegas once. It’s not attractive, and it’s no wonder my boyfriends hate it when I drink too much.
I always started fights. When you’re massively insecure and really good at hiding it, drinking is a huge problem. Suddenly my boyfriend of the moment could do nothing right. I would bring up everything that had been bothering me that I’d been bottling up inside for weeks or months. It always causes massive fights when I do this, but I’ve done it over and over again.
It was the focal point of our dating life. With the guys I dated who worked in bars or who drank too much, it was always an element of the time we spent together. Even if we had a low-key night, it involved staying in and cooking with some beer or a bottle of wine. If we went out anywhere, it was definitely going to be a drinking kind of night. Even the tamer boyfriends I’ve had usually had a couple drinks with dinner on a date night. It shouldn’t be about that!
I said really horrible, hurtful things while I was drunk. This goes both ways, but I feel worst about my own actions. I had drunken boyfriends say terrible stuff to me too, but I brushed it off as drunken ranting. On the other hand, when I lashed out after a long night, I was usually being brutally honest. I hurt some very sweet and decent men this way and I’ll always regret that. Some things simply should never be said.
I acted out. When I drank, I was a jerk to the guys I dated. This is the plain and simple truth. I pouted. I whined. I complained. I got snippy, or bitchy, or judgmental. I made biting jokes at their expenses and treated them poorly in public. I even ghosted out on important events because I felt like the guy I was with wasn’t paying enough attention to me. Me drunk is me at my worst, and I’m always embarrassed by my behavior later.
I got jealous and insecure. I’ve always had massively low self-esteem but obviously kept that stuff on the DL in relationships. No one wants a girlfriend who needs positive reinforcement constantly. Unfortunately all my demons escape me as soon as the firewater gets in there. All the fears I had about any other girls that my boyfriend might like or the chance that he was cheating on me suddenly came to light. Stuff got ugly and awkward and I always ended up looking like a pathetic fool.
My drunken boyfriends acted out. Either it was me or one of them. I’ve never had a relationship where we both just had a beer or two and chilled. No, no, there has to be drama! I don’t even really like drama, so I don’t know what all that stuff’s about. So if I wasn’t the one getting wasted, it was one of my alcoholic exes threatening to kill himself or breaking up with me a million times a night. I knew that they wouldn’t remember any of it the next day, but it was still a huge pain in the ass to deal with. I always hoped I could just get them to sleep it off.
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