Everywhere you turn, sex is in your face. It’s in movies, on television shows, and sold by the plastic ton at your local specialty store. It’s inescapable… but why is everyone so obsessed with sex? I don’t even like it that much, and many of my girlfriends feel the same way. Here are 10 reasons women pretend to like sex a whole lot more than they really do:
- It makes them seem desirable. Unfortunately, we’ve probably all fallen into the trap of submitting sexually to another person to satisfy their whims. After all, why would a potential partner want to be with someone who’s totally not into sex? Then we pretend that we’re, as Bridget Jones would put it, a wanton sex goddess who lives for nothing more than pleasing her partner and getting off at the same time, thus proving our worth to our partner in play… and completely downsizing our own sense of self in the process.
- Culture tells us that sex sells, and we’re always trying to sell ourselves. If you’re a post-adolescent woman after the year 2000, you can probably name at least seven celebrities who’ve had sex tapes “stolen” from them or nude photos “leaked.” While in many instances that’s the case, it’s not entirely true in all of them. Celebrities are the perfect example of wanting to stir up attention for ourselves and “sell” what it is we think we have to offer. In this case, it’s sex. Everybody’s having sex, everybody wants sex, and everyone is apparently doing all that they can to have the best sex. Why try to sell ourselves to others on something that we’re pretty apathetic about to begin with?
- Women don’t want people to think there’s something wrong with them. Newsflash: while sex is a natural, biological aspect of human life, nobody ever said that it had to be enjoyable or desirable for and to everyone who has it. As a matter of fact, some women are downright traumatized by the idea of sex, let alone the actual act itself. Generally speaking, it seems like society thinks that there’s something broken within a woman if she doesn’t have the desire to spread her legs at every opportunity that knocks on her door. See number two for reference.
- They’re convinced that it’s their “duty” to please whether they like it or not. The ’50s are over and women aren’t expected to please their partners for the sake of reproduction or pleasure. If you don’t want to have children, there are options called “birth control.” The same should — and does — go for sex. If you don’t want to have it, don’t have it. Moreover, don’t be pressured to play into what someone’s idea of a healthy sexual relationship happens to be.
- Women are afraid of a cheating partner. If a life partner is that shallow, then chances are you don’t need that kind of partner in your life, period. Anyone who’d step out on a relationship for the sake of getting off isn’t worth having. It doesn’t matter if it’s a lack of sex, a lack of a certain type of sex, or a lack of excitement — there’s no reason to be belittled by someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
- They feel compelled to play into the stereotype that men are more sexually driven than women. In opposite sex relationships, whether we like it or not, some women are easily as competitive as men and don’t like to be seen lesser than, even when it comes to their level of hormones. While that’s totally fine and there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of healthy competition, some women will go along just to one-up the male in their life on a strictly competitive level. Don’t do that, friends. You’re just compromising yourself at the end of the story.
- Women feel it easier to lie about liking sex than having to face a difficult conversation. Listen, ladies, I get it: hard conversations about uncomfortable circumstances or awkward encounters aren’t the most pleasant thing. But you have to have enough self-respect to voice your opinion no matter how it might be taken. It’s your body, your decision, and your peace of mind that you’re dealing with, and nobody but nobody should intimidate you from speaking your mind about something that you do — or do not — want.
- Partners don’t always listen when women tell them what they do want, so why bother? From not assertive enough to too assertive, we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. If we say nothing and go along with whatever our partner wants to do, then we’re submissive pushovers who lack excitement. If we’re too vocal in the bedroom, calling out orders like a carnival barker peddling fun and games, we’re sometimes looked at as too dominating, which is apparently a big turn-off for some people. In that case, a woman sometimes shuts down and just refuses to engage. When whatever you’re doing isn’t right, and there doesn’t seem to be an easy medium at all, why bother?
- Selfish partners don’t realize that women aren’t always into the utilitarian, get-off-quick sex. When you have a partner that doesn’t understand that, sex becomes way more mechanical and a whole lot less enjoyable. It all goes back to listening to your partner and taking the time to be considerate: something that’s severely lacking in today’s disposable society. It’s easy to see why a woman would pretend that she’s A-OK with sex when there’s one-sided consideration happening.
- Suggestion? Stop pretending that you enjoy bad sex—or even sex at all.
Whoever said that you had to engage in sexual relations with another person in order to confirm your romantic affections for them? Ask any asexual person and you’ll find out that the notion is absolutely untrue. Perhaps if society were to focus solely on the emotional and spiritual intimacy that they can experience with a partner, sex wouldn’t be so commonplace or milquetoast and then sex — good, mind-blowing sex — might be an option after all.