Don’t get me wrong, having an orgasm is one of the best feelings in the world (right under having a stellar bowel movement). That being said, it doesn’t bother me that my boyfriend hasn’t been able to give me one. In fact, I don’t care if I ever come during sex again. My boyfriend can’t make me orgasm, but here’s why I honestly don’t mind.
Why I don’t mind that my boyfriend can’t make me orgasm
- I can give myself one, after all. It’s 2023. If I wasn’t able to give myself an orgasm with all the technology and fantastic erotic videos/images out there, I’d be disappointed in myself. I’m not saying having a self-induced orgasm is better than someone else giving me it, but it sure takes less time and is typically way more enjoyable (because it takes less time).
- We trust each other completely. People always say, “You can’t orgasm because you’re not having sex with people you really trust.” This is a popular line of thinking and it’s BS. I trust my partner completely but that doesn’t change the fact that I have a difficult time orgasming. It’s a biological response, people! Sometimes emotions have nothing to do with it!
- Our communication is on point. If you can talk about your inability to have an orgasm with your boyfriend, you can pretty much talk about anything. My boyfriend and I have an open dialogue with one another and that’s 100% because we had to talk about orgasms very early on in our relationship. It was a slightly awkward first date/night convo but hey, we made it!
- He’s 100% loyal to me. If I had to choose between a faithful partner who never makes me orgasm and an unfaithful one who gets me off every time, I think I’d choose the first one. This isn’t to say that people can’t have both, but it’s not easy to find a guy who’s so loyal that he deletes female friends on Snapchat just to avoid any potential drama.
- We laugh all the time. Sex is funny as hell. Besides the sounds, smells, and sometimes weird, wet texture everywhere, it can be slightly awkward trying to get into wild positions. I’m thankful my boyfriend has a sense of humor and that we can laugh when things are awkward.
- I don’t have to fake it. Faking an orgasm is exhausting and it’s actually blown up in my face several times before. Once you start doing it, you can’t really stop, but I felt like I had to do it in order to please my ex-lovers. Being vocal with my current boyfriend about my struggle to have an orgasm has allowed me to stop faking it and feel OK about that.
- He doesn’t make me feel bad about it. I know it can be slightly defeating to not be able to give someone an orgasm, but at the same time, I don’t understand why that’s always taken out on the other person. My exes used to get so pissed at me! They acted like I was broken for not being able to finish. My current guy, on the other hand, doesn’t freak out about it. He gets a little upset with himself but he realizes it’s my thing and that’s OK.
- He actually puts in effort. Instead of just throwing his hands up in defeat over not being able to give me an orgasm, he continues to try. He puts regular effort into our sex life, as well as our romantic life. He plans dates and makes time for more than bedroom activities. My boyfriend understands that for me (and hopefully him), feeling emotionally connected is crucial.
- Our relationship is way more experimental. Because I struggle to have an orgasm, we spend a lot of time researching different things to do in the bedroom. We Google different sex positions and introduce not-so-conventional items into our sex lives. Nothing has worked just yet, but we’re not quitters.
- He makes me feel special. My boyfriend does a lot for me. Truly. He deals with my tantrums and he challenges my perspectives in a way that’s actually forced me to grow up. I’ve never been with someone who makes me feel so good about myself and because of that, it doesn’t bother me that I don’t finish. My boyfriend brings me movie theatre popcorn when I’m craving movie theatre popcorn (which is at least three times a week) and I’ve never felt more special.
- The sex is still really good. I don’t have to orgasm to enjoy sex! Being mounted and ridden like a freakin’ horse is honestly enjoyable enough for me. My boyfriend and I have amazing sex regardless if either of us finishes and I think that’s because of how comfortable we are with one another. The fact that I don’t have to worry about how my breath smells or if I shaved my private area well enough is AMAZING.
- He offers me plenty of support. The best part of a relationship is having someone who’s always on your side. It’s like a therapist but less expensive. My boyfriend might not able to be there for me every second of the day, but that’s not realistic anyway. What matters is he’s there for me when it matters!
Having sex isn’t all about orgasms, anyway
I know a lot of people would disagree with me on this, but I’m sticking to my guns. When I have sex with my boyfriend, it’s not just because I need to get my rocks off and he’s willing and able. It’s because I want to connect with him on a deeper level. I want to make him feel good (and he does with me). Sex is a way for us to express our affection for each other. The fact that my boyfriend can’t make me orgasm doesn’t take away from that. If anything, it makes the experience more intense. We’re not busy chasing a climax so we can really take our time. Frankly, it’s some of the best sex I’ve ever had for that reason.
This kind of relationship might not work for everyone. That’s fine. It works for us, and that’s all that matters.