Whether because we don’t want to be tied down or we just really like sex, many of us gravitate towards casual relationships that are initiated with zero expectations or assumptions. It’s the perfect steamy scenario void of fighting, drama, or inconvenience—at least that’s what you tell yourself. Here are some signs you may be catching feelings after all.
You insist that “you don’t need to be talking to someone 24/7.” When your friends ask if you’ve heard from your FWB, you confidently tell them no, expecting to come off cool and collected. You’re too busy at work and your social life is booming! You don’t have time to entertain them over text anyway. You would rather just “catch up” when you see them in person because it “gives you more to talk about.” But really, deep inside you, a desire for a good morning text burns hotter than the rising sun.
You get offended when they don’t answer. The weekend rolls around and it’s the last call at the bar you’re currently a hot mess at. You’re lit AF and your drunk alter ego doesn’t seem to care what comes or goes. You send that reckless “u up” text anticipating that your FWB is also awake and looking for some action. The sound of crickets plays on a loop in the background. You drunk cry in your Uber home and swear you’ll “never text them again.”
You constantly post on Instagram and Snaphchat stories. Usually, you don’t give a damn about posting every detail of your life on social media… until your FWB decides to follow you. Like Gatsby throwing parties in hopes that Daisy will attend, you post nonstop in hopes that they’ll watch. Albums you’re listening to and books you’re reading now act as the wallpaper of your social media life. The sad truth? You want to share parts of yourself they’re not able to see when you’re together.
You consistently check to see if they update their social accounts. Since you’re not speaking on the reg, you frantically update your feeds to see what they’re up to. It’s the only way you’re able to feel like you are somehow a part of their daily life. You’ll tell yourself it’s because you have a few extra minutes but in reality, there are a million other things you could be doing instead of being immersed in your social feeds.
You get anxious around normal booty call time. Fridays and Saturdays from 1:00 a.m. onward operate as the prime hookup time for part-time lovers. Drunk, horny people are sending illegible texts from bars all over the world. There’s probably a surge in every cell phone tower on planet earth, acting as an unseen Bat Signal translating “it’s going down tonight.” You obviously know this, so you wait anxiously for that text to come through while ordering eight more shots to calm your nerves.
You nearly have a stroke when they do text you. You feel your phone buzz in your pocket and your heart feels as if it just crapped itself. When their name pops up in your messages, you’re practically en route to meet them before you even respond (which you’ll wait to do for another 10 minutes to avoid looking eager).
You try to fit in as much conversation as possible. When you’re with them, you find yourself asking more questions and pushing to know more about them. You probably won’t be aware of it at first until you’re practically giving them the third degree five minutes into doing the dirty. Secretly, you want them to open up to you because you hope they’ll form an attraction that surpasses just being physical.
You try and convince yourself that relationships are too hard. You’ll remind yourself over and over again how your last relationship was a flop and the next one will be no different. You claim that dating is too much work, commitment is a confinement and relationships are unstable at your age anyway. All you’re doing is using your past experiences as an excuse to prevent yourself from coming to terms with how you really feel.
You’re unsure how to act when someone mentions their name. If you have mutual friends, you put on a front when you’re around people you both know. When someone casually brings up their name in conversation, you act detached or disinterested. You contemplate each word that comes out of your mouth so that you don’t seem too engrossed in any topic involving them. This is because you understand what your true emotions are and you don’t want others to catch on.
You have some idea that they’re going to ruin your life but you ignore it. Any normal person runs the opposite direction when coming in contact with danger. Except you, apparently. Something draws you to this person despite the fact that you know it may not end well. This glimmer of hope hinders any chance you have of being truly unemotional in this arrangement from the beginning. You subconsciously know the nature of your attraction, but you tell yourself you have enough self-control to catch yourself before it gets too deep. You don’t, and that’s why you’re reading this article.
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