If You Feel Ashamed Of Being Single, Newsflash: No One Actually Cares

Take it from someone who was single AF for a decade—trying desperately to find your person and always coming up short definitely sucks. I had my moments of wondering when it was going to happen for me or if it even would. I felt insecure about my solo status and was sure everyone was judging me for being single. However, I have some good news for you if you’re in the same boat: no one actually cares about your relationship status.

  1. Everyone is super wrapped up in their own world. You might grab dinner with certain friends who always ask if you’ve got any dating news to share, so naturally you assume they think it’s strange that you still don’t have a boyfriend. The truth is that they’re just asking to be polite and to be supportive. People are always wrapped up in their own worlds and they have so much going on all the time. Honestly, no one is sitting there and thinking about your solo status. Promise.
  2. We all have our own journeys. Just because you didn’t meet your soulmate in high school or college or even on Tinder doesn’t mean that you’re a total loser. Absolutely everyone has their own journey and gets somewhere in their own time. You might not have a boyfriend but there’s more to life than relationships and you have plenty of other amazing things going on in your life (and if you don’t, you should get on that).
  3. You’re not that special. Of course you’re special because you’re an amazing, strong, independent woman. But the fact that you’re single doesn’t make you special. Sure, you might not love it and you might dream of finding real love and that’s totally cool. It still doesn’t make you the only single woman on the planet. Whenever you feel down, remember that there are so many single women living awesome lives and you’re one of them. It’s really no big deal.
  4. You’re still going to find love one day. The funny thing about being single is that once you meet someone, you’re not single anymore. It feels like you’re always going to be the one single girl in the room since that’s the role that you’ve played for so long, but nothing could be further from the truth. You’re still going to find love one day and this time that you’re on your own is just another stage in your life. You shouldn’t give it any more power than that.
  5. You have so many good things and people in your life. It might be a cliche to say that you should count your blessings but it really does help. Remembering that you have an awesome family, the best girlfriends, and a thriving career might not keep you warm at night when you wish that you were sleeping beside a guy that you love, but this is your life and you should celebrate it all the time. That’s what’s important, not the fact that you happen to not be in a relationship right now.
  6. Anyone who judges you for being single is super insecure. Of course you’re going to hear the odd comment over the years about why you should try a certain dating app or that it’s weird that you never go on a second date. Whether you’re hearing that stuff from a relative or coworker, you should remember that they’re just projecting their insecurities onto you. Maybe they’ve never been single so they respect that you’re so independent, or maybe they’re secretly jealous of your awesome lifestyle. Be proud of who you are and ignore the haters.
  7. It’s your business and no one else’s. Just like you shouldn’t spend hours wondering about why your best friend has such a crappy boyfriend because it’s her life and her problem, you don’t need to care if someone brings up your single status. It’s your business only. Whether you’re actively dating or taking a break is totally fine. All that matters is that you’re happy with who you are and the life that you’re living.
  8. There are logical reasons why you’re solo. It’s not like you’re the worst person ever and no one can stand to be around you. It’s harder than ever to meet people, which is why dating apps are so popular. You could have also taken some time off from dating to go to grad school or chase your career dreams, and that’s cool. It really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
  9. Reminder: there’s nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend. It might seem like it’s super weird to go to weddings alone when everyone’s got a plus-one, and you’re always seeing cute couples holding hands at Whole Foods. So what? There’s literally nothing wrong with being single. It just means that you’re single. That’s it.
  10. You’ll forget about your single girl woes super fast. Once you’re in a relationship, you’ll be amazed at how fast you adjust. There might be an initial period of exhaustion from going back and forth from your BF’s apartment to yours and you might be stressed out about making things official. Once it’s all stable, you’ll honestly be so used to being this guy’s girlfriend that your single girl days will be long behind you. All the worry and bad dates will be nothing but a distant memory, and soon you won’t even care that you were rolling solo for a long time… just like no one else does.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.