Feel Insecure & Self Conscious During Sex? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t

Feel Insecure & Self Conscious During Sex? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t ©iStock/BraunS

It’s hard to be in the mood for sex and enjoy it when all you can think about is the cellulite on your thighs. But you don’t have to let your self-consciousness zap your sexual pleasure. Here’s what you might be feeling during sex and how to leave it at the bedroom door so it doesn’t kill the mood:

  1. You mentally body-shame yourself. You feel really awkward when you’re naked, and this makes it hard for you to enjoy your partner’s touch. Stop thinking about how you look and focus on your pleasure. When he touches your stomach, don’t think “Oh God, can he feel fat there?” Change your thoughts so that you don’t allow negativity over your body to get in the way of sexual satisfaction.
  2. You worry you won’t be good enough. You want to give him the best sex he’s ever had, but that’s hard if you don’t feel self-confident. Try to let go, but don’t think you have to try too hard with lots of different techniques to make him go crazy with pleasure. Go with the sexual flow and see where it takes you.
  3. You worry you won’t turn him on. Answer this: are you naked? Are you a woman? If you answered yes to these questions, then you’ve probably already turned him on. Stop stressing.
  4. You’re too shy. You can’t help it. You feel shy and awkward during sex. But perhaps you’re being a little too self-absorbed here. Stop looking at your body and cover up any mirrors so that you don’t fall into the trap of analyzing yourself and your techniques like a critical sex coach. Believe that you’re gorgeous and confident and you’ll make everything better. And if you can’t believe it right now, then at least start trying to.
  5. You worry parts of you are too small or too big. Who cares if you have small boobs or big thighs? Chances are, not him. We all have body parts we wish we could shrink or magnify, and honestly, that probably includes your partner. He wouldn’t be sleeping with you if he didn’t find you attractive, so just own the way you are as-is and focus on having fun.
  6. You feel ridiculous. You know how those women in adult sex movies look really embarrassing because of the facial expressions they make during sex? You might worry that you look like that, but forget about it. Live in the moment and do what feels right. It’s okay to let out your inner adult erotic sex star if you want to, but if it just feels awkward, then do whatever feels natural to you. Guys love it when it’s obvious you’re enjoying yourself… even if you think it looks a little goofy.
  7. You feel stupid when you become vocal. You might feel self-conscious about how noisy you are in the sack. But honestly, guys love it when you make yourself heard because it tells them when their moves are hitting the right notes. So use your moans to your advantage.
  8. You worry you won’t come, so you fake it. If you’re inhibited and self-conscious, it makes it really hard to let go and have a fantastic orgasm. So you might resort to faking it to prevent any further awkwardness with the guy. The thing is to concentrate more on letting go and being in the moment. Perhaps some distractions, such as music, can help to zone out your mind so that your body can take the stage.
  9. You avoid certain positions because they make you self-conscious. Perhaps you’re cool with sexual intercourse but when you have to go down on a guy you feel shy and weird. So you avoid giving oral, or any other sexual behaviour that makes you feel self-conscious. That can be a helpful strategy, but it also limits the fun you can have in the bedroom. Try to find ways to feel less shy doing them, such as perhaps blindfolding the guy, which cleverly boosts his pleasure while helping you feel comfortable. Of course, if there are some sexual acts that you don’t like, then you shouldn’t do them just to please the guy you’re with. Ever.
  10. You worry you’re out of his league. If the guy is really hot and experienced sexually, you might fear that he’d rather be with other women who are hotter/thinner/whatever than you. But screw that. He’s with you, isn’t he? Besides, just because he’s hot or has a big penis doesn’t mean that he’s going to be amazing in the sack.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.