It’s Fine If You Don’t Want A Relationship, But Lying About It Is A Bad Move

I’ve been used for sex before and it didn’t feel great, but do you wanna know what’s even worse than that? Being used for sex AND being lied to. I’m fine if you want to keep things casual, but don’t lie and pretend you’re looking for a serious relationship if all you want is to get laid.

  1. You’re lonely — join the club. Hey, we all just want to get laid at the end of the day. I wanted it too, but I was also open to cultivating a real relationship. I hate sleeping alone just as much as you do, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to pretend to full-on “date” someone to trick them into giving them long-term sex. It sounds like an awful thing to do to someone even as I’m typing it.
  2. I’m going to eventually find out that you were playing me. You can’t keep up the charade forever. There will be a point where I’m going to ask, “Hey, so what we doing here?” and that’s when you’ll make like the roadrunner and GTFO of there. It’s already pretty obvious to me that you don’t want a relationship when you constantly dodge the question, but seriously… the longer you stick around, the harder it’s going to be to break up with me.
  3. Why would you risk hurting me? Seriously, it’s just mean. Imagine you’re dating a girl who only used you for your money and then when she got bored of you, she skipped off to the rich dude around the corner. Would you feel used? Would you feel hurt by that? I know you probably wouldn’t mind being used for your body, but for me, it’s a really big deal and it will really hurt if I find out that you were only with me for the sex.
  4. Sex is so easy to find nowadays. What really blows my mind is that you think you have to “trick” me into a relationship just to get me to sleep with you. There are plenty of girls on apps and dating sites who are looking for casual sex (including me, with the right guy), so there’s no need to lie about your intentions. I’m more than willing to go along with the casual thing, as long as you’re being honest about it. Otherwise, I might wrongfully assume we’re on our way to being a couple and get mad that you led me on.
  5. Don’t act like you want something serious and then blame me for getting too clingy. Guys do this all the time. They get all lovey-dovey and then freak out when I return the favor. Why would you “act” like you want a relationship and then turn around and say you don’t want one? It just blows my mind. If all you want is sex, then ACT like all you want is sex. Don’t take me out for brunch and hold my hand in public. You’re giving me mixed signals here and I really need some clarity on what we’re doing.
  6. I’m a big girl, I can handle the truth. If you’re pretending to have a relationship with me to avoid hurting my feelings with the cold, hard truth that all you want is sex, STOP. I’m mature enough to realize that not everyone is going to want to be my boyfriend. I’ve also had a ton of casual sex and am more than happy to pursue that with you if that’s what you want. The problem is, once we get in too deep without discussing these things, it starts to get messy and I might just want to break up altogether.
  7. The longer we hang out, the more likely I’ll be to fall in love with you, so beware. If we’re spending a lot of time together, I’m going to get invested in you. You never drew the line as to how far you want this relationship to go, so I’m going to assume that you want it to go as far as possible since we’ve been hanging out practically every day. Just know that the chances of me falling in love with you are going to increase by the hour, so you’d better figure out what you want from me before you break my heart.
  8. You’re not ready for a relationship, and that’s fine. There have been times in my life where I wasn’t ready for a relationship and there’s nothing wrong with that. I was in the mood for something casual and made that clear when I was dating around. Don’t “pretend” that you want a relationship just because you don’t want to open up about the reasons why you might not be ready. I’m not going to judge you for it. If anything, I’ll be relieved because now I know what we’re actually doing.
  9. Everyone could use a hookup buddy. The idea that every girl only wants a serious relationship is a huge myth. There are times in my life when I just want to have sex with someone fun while still focusing on my own needs and having my own space. I won’t get mad if you tell me all you want is sex. Hell, I might even be happy about it. If anything, now I have another guy to call when I get the need for some late night action.
  10. If you lead me on, you’re a jerk. In case you need another reason to start being honest about your intentions: I’m going to think you are an eternal loser for leading me on. You’re just like one of those pick-up artists except instead of using me for one night, you’re using me for several months, so it’s actually even worst. When you break up with me, I’ll never know for sure why, but I’ll always assume that it’s because you only wanted to get laid. Avoid the a-hole label, and just be honest with me from the beginning.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.