All Of My Friends Seem To Be Considering Open Relationships, But I’m Just Not Into It

Open relationships are getting more and more popular as the years go by, especially in my circle of friends. Everyone seems to be trying it except me and I plan on keeping it that way. Here’s why I’m just not into sharing my partner with anyone else:

  1. It just doesn’t seem fair. This is the first thought that pops into my mind when someone suggests I try an open relationship. I remember that it’s never going to be completely balanced and that would bother me. Either I’m getting more partners than he is or he’s spending more time with his “other girlfriend” than he is with me. I know that people put rules in place to avoid jealousy and unfairness, but it’ll never be as easy as people make it out to be.
  2. I’d rather spend my time enjoying my partner than constantly worrying about what he’s doing. I get that in theory, open relationships can bring a new “freedom” to the arrangement that’s supposedly fun, exciting, and allows plenty of growth for a couple. However, I can almost guarantee that this so called “freedom” will be outweighed by paranoia, jealousy, and feelings of neglect pretty quickly. For all those people who are in open relationships and aren’t plagued by these negative feelings, I salute you and also think you might be robots in disguise.
  3. I have enough to deal with as a woman in this world. The whole deal with getting into a relationship is that now I have someone to put a big chunk of his time, energy and love into ME. I think I deserve the full attention of one man and I want to offer the same in return.
  4. It doesn’t feel like a natural thing for me to do. I don’t think of an “open relationship” and get excited. I get worried, and maybe that’s just because I’m not cut out for it. I think it’s cool that other people can handle their S.O. having sex with other people, but it’s not something that gets me going. I might just be wired for monogamy.
  5. I don’t think I’ll ever be “mature” enough to handle it. I can’t control my emotions the way other, more mature people seem to be able to. I don’t even know what I would do if I came home and my partner was there having sex with some random woman. I just don’t think I’d be able to accept that.
  6. I get jealous even when my BF so much as looks at another girl. I’m a goddamn green-eyed monster and I’m not afraid to admit it. I get mega insecure when a prettier, more confident lady walks in the room and I don’t think that will ever go away. If I can’t handle it when he looks at hot chicks, I highly doubt I’ll be able to handle it when he has sex with them.
  7. I love too hard. When I love someone, I want to put all of my time and energy into THEM and only them. Loving more than one person would be exhausting at the rate I’m going. I mean, I get it that open relationships don’t necessarily mean loving other people so much as having sex with other people, but to me, they’re one in the same. I already know I’m not going to be able to tone it down just because it’s supposed to be casual sex.
  8. I’ve learned that some guys can’t really be trusted. Even if I did set rules, most guys are definitely going to break them. It’s overwhelming how many guys I know who’ve cheated, although I also know a lot who have been cheated on by women. I guess it would be more accurate to say that “people” can’t be trusted, myself included.
  9. Most of my friends who open their relationships end up breaking up a few months later. It’s like clockwork. They announce to the world they’re open and then BAM—they break up and are now dating their “secondary” partners. I wish I was exaggerating about this, but it literally happens every single time.
  10. Having sex with other people would make it less special for us. Sex is an intimate moment and I want to know that I am the only one giving it to him. I mean, that’s one of the reasons why we get into relationships, right? The relationship doesn’t seem so special if someone else is providing for him one of the best, most special parts of it.
  11. It would be rare to find someone who wants it equally. Even if both people come into the relationship wanting it to be open, it always seems that one partner is more enthusiastic about it than the other. I’ve observed this in my friends’ relationships and it’s honestly usually the guy who finds it difficult because they can’t convince any girls to go out with them. It would be hard to even find a partner who’s on the same page as you.
  12. I don’t feel the need to act on my crushes. I’m perfectly content on just imagining what it would be like to make out with the cute guy at work rather than actually acting on it. I’d rather live in the land of make-believe than to deal with the consequences of inviting other people into my relationship. It’s just not something I feel like I NEED to do.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.