I love being a platonic gal pal to my guy friends. They’re hilarious, a ton of fun to be around, and they give me a much-needed dose of reality when I’m being dumb about men that I’m dating. However, I feel really strongly about backing off a bit when they get into relationships with other women. If your guy friend gets a girlfriend, it’s only right that your friendship takes a bit of a backseat.
Yes, men and women can be “just friends”
- I’ve literally never slept with one of my guy friends. Most women who have guy friends aren’t just pretending that they’re just platonic until a convenient time to sleep together comes up. We really are just friends. I’ve never, ever had sex with any one of my guy friends and I never would.
- There’s zero sexual tension there. There’s no temptation to go from gal pal to girlfriend with my guy friends. They’re more like my brothers, not my ideal boyfriends. Women who have lots of guy friends literally do see them like any other member of their social group. That’s certainly the way it is for me.
- We’re friends for a reason — we’re not romantically compatible. I pretty much know right away when I meet a guy if our connection is romantic/sexual or just a friendly thing. All the guy friends in my friend group are literally not my type when it comes to dating, and I feel like most women with guy friends would agree with me. It’s just not even a possibility.
- I’d never interfere in my friends’ relationships. Part of being a good gal pal is staying clear of my boys’ relationships. I’m there to support them and give them advice when it’s needed, but otherwise, I let them do their thing. Regardless of how involved you want to be in their lives, you have to know when to step back.
Boundaries are important
- Put yourself in their girlfriends’ shoes. It really is as simple as that. Imagine you were dating a guy who had a best gal pal who was always by his side. You might get along with her okay, but you’re also going to side eye their connection a bit, especially if it seems a bit too close. You would hate feeling jealous and paranoid that there was more to their connection than meets the eye, so don’t put your bro’s girlfriend in that position. Just back off a bit.
- Guys’ focus should be on their partners, not their pals. While no one should neglect their friends for their relationship, when two people first start dating, they need to focus on fostering that connection. You don’t have to disappear from the guy’s life completely, but you should make room for them to explore their relationship with a new person and not make it awkward or difficult.
- There are certain lines that shouldn’t be crossed. As a guy’s gal pal, you may be huggy and affectionate. Maybe you text 20 times a day or hang out every weekend. That shouldn’t be happening when he’s dating someone new. Yes, you should still get together and keep in touch, but a lot of the stuff that his new girlfriend might find uncomfortable or inappropriate needs to stop.
It’s a matter of respect
- You’re not his girlfriend, so don’t act like you are. It really is this simple. It shouldn’t offend you to read that, nor should it come as a surprise. Now that he’s got a girlfriend, there will be certain things your guy friend does with her that you’re just not a part of. That shouldn’t be a problem to you.
- It’s not a competition. You don’t need to assert your dominance or try to cement your place in his life. You definitely shouldn’te be trying to one-up his new girlfriend or intimidate her either. Yes, you’ve been in his life for a while and she’s the new girl in town, but you should be welcoming, not an a**hole.
- It shouldn’t be a lot to ask for you to back off. If you find it difficult to take a step back and let him enjoy his new romance, that’s a you problem. Maybe you should take the time away form him to examine why you’re struggling so much to see him finding happiness with a new partner. There could be some unresolved feelings there that you need to deal with, but don’t make that his responsibility.
