Why Good Guys Feel Impossible To Find (And Why They’re Really Not)

Being with someone that we know isn’t necessarily good for us adds a bit of excitement to our lives. Thankfully, most of us eventually come to our senses and realize that good guys are end game. They’re the ones we want to build a life with when we’re sick of the drama and are ready to get serious about love. Good guys might seem impossible to find but they’re out there, believe me.

  1. Good guys tend to get overshadowed by bad boys. A lot of bad boys are very extroverted and love to draw attention to themselves. They laugh loudly, dress in eye-catching clothes, and make all kinds of comments (or catcalls) when you walk by. Good guys don’t just hang out by themselves; they hang out in groups with all sorts of dudes, which is why they tend to get overshadowed by bad guys. Next time, take time to sit and observe the guys in a group nearby and see if you can pick out a good one. Chances are he’ll be quieter than the rest and choose to hang back.
  2. Good guys prefer to watch and observe before approaching. It sucks when you dress up to go out but come home later that night without a single number, free drink, or so much as a friendly flirt to show for it. You can start to feel invisible to guys. I promise you that you’re not! Chances are a couple of good guys have noticed you but they prefer to watch and observe to see if you’re single, open to dating and whether you two might be compatible. Be patient and keep putting yourself out there.
  3. Good guys often take the ‘friends first’ approach. I’ve heard so many of my friends complain that the only nice guys they know are all friends of theirs. Here’s some encouraging bit of news for you: that’s one of the main approaches nice guys take. How do I know? My brother’s like that. He’s always had a bunch of female friends, most purely for friendship (and a few that he’s interested in romantically). He’s a long-term type of guy and prefers to get to know a woman first before starting something, going on a few dates, then breaking her heart.
  4. Good guys take things slow. This is a major reason good guys feel nearly impossible to find. Unfortunately, a lot of women are used to men expressing interest in them right away. As such, we often miss the signs that a lot of good guys put out! Look, your typical bad boy may send you a bunch of flirty texts and be all over you once you’re together in person. A good guy will always play things cool. Don’t miss the signs! Taking things slow doesn’t mean he’s not into you.
  5. Good guys keep their cards close to their chest. Most good guys have been burned by at least one woman who took advantage of them. They’ll go on a few dates and string him along so that they’re not alone. Good guys have emotional wounds, and I think it’s hot! Be patient, and when he finally does approach you and tell you how he feels about you, you’ll be glad you waited for him.
  6. Good guys hang out in different places. While you can find a good guy just about anywhere, they tend to spend more of their time in environments that play to their strengths. Bars, clubs, and house parties don’t fall under that category. My boyfriend and I met at a pottery class, so widen your scope and start hanging out in places where conversation, can comfortably be had and chances are you’ll bag yourself a good guy.
  7. Good guys come in packages we aren’t necessarily into. Yes, I went there. One of the things that draw a lot of women to bad boys is that they’re charismatic, either because of good looks, dressing in a way that draws your eye, or being loud. Good guys may or may not be good looking and they may or may not dress well, but more often than not, they don’t put out the same type of energy bad boys do. As such, we tend to overlook them. I know you’re not a shallow person, so the next time you go out, force yourself to pay attention to a guy that doesn’t exactly catch your eye the first time you walk into a room. Approach him and start a conversation. Chances are, he’ll be a good guy.
  8. Good guys look for good girls. This is something we tend to forget. As I mentioned before, a lot of good guys have been bruised by bad girls so they too will sit back and judge you based on how you dress, act, and interact with others. It’s all well and good to want a good guy, but would you be a good match for him? If you think you are, does the way you present yourself show that? If not, you have some work to do.
  9. Good guys tend to be older. As mentioned before, society puts pressure on men to act in a certain way. When guys are younger, it’s cool to have a lot of girlfriends and play the field. As they mature, they realize that there’s more to life and as such the transformation begins. If you’re looking for a good man to build a life with, then consider dating out of your age group. There are a lot of perks of dating older men. The fact that they are more likely to be good guys, is just one of them.
Hannah is a twenty-something-year-old freelance writer, obsessed with reality TV, and all things sweet.