When A Guy Is All About Making Big Romantic Gestures Early On, Beware

There’s nothing more romantic than a guy putting in effort to show you how much you mean to him. But if the guy is showering you with gifts and attention in the early days of dating when you don’t even know each other, it could actually be a bad sign.

  1. It makes him look desperateA guy who tries too hard comes off as seriously desperate, as though you’re the first woman to give him attention in so long that he needs to clutch onto you. He’ll try to keep you around by giving you expensive gifts, sending you overly romantic texts, and so on. Creepy!
  2. He might be hiding something. When he’s super nice and seems too perfect, it’s often too good to be true. It also makes you feel a tad suspicious. Why would someone try too hard to be nice to you and hide all their flaws? It’s great to date a nice guy who’s genuinely chivalrous, but when a guy is trying too hard to be nice, such as by agreeing with everything you say, you can’t help but think he’s got a hidden agenda.
  3. He’s hoping for something in return. It’s (sadly) rare for people to give others love and material possessions without expecting something in return. So if he’s trying so hard to shower you with his affection, he’s likely got ulterior motives. It throws expectations on your dates, which makes things awkward AF. Can’t he just go with the flow?
  4. He’s only in it for the short term. If he’s being Mr Romantic from date one and it feels like too much, then he’s basically setting himself up for failure. There’s now way he’ll be able to keep this going. He’s basically burning himself out. This is the classic move of a guy who’s not intending to stick around for long.
  5. He’s an intense people pleaserIf the guy wants to be super nice to you, it could be that he’s really a doormat in disguise as Mr. Perfect. He’ll bend over backwards and try to meet all your demands as though his life depends on it. He’s probably used to sucking up to others, which means you’re going to have a stage-five clinger on your hands. Fun! (Not.)
  6. He’s a master manipulator. If he’s acting the part of your dream guy and if feels like something’s just off about how he’s romancing you with such intensity, it could be that the guy’s trying to manipulate you. By hooking you with his charm, he’s reeling you in to manipulate you later. No sociopath is going to be a jerk early on — he has to seduce you by appearing charming and fun.
  7. He wants to fool you into thinking he’s keen for commitment. A big misconception in the dating game is that a guy who makes such an effort to impress you is going to be committed to you. The truth is that he could just be hoping to get your attention for as long as it’s convenient for him while keeping his heart safely out of reach.
  8. He wants to control you. A guy who gives you loads of attention and praise might make you feel flattered, but it could actually be a way for him to want to control you. Those twenty texts he sends in a day asking how you’re doing might seem sweet, but they also might be a classic abuser move: he wants to check in to see what you’re up to and try to ensure that you’re dependent on his attention. It’s sick AF.
  9. He could have a girlfriend. A player will be charming and seductive because he’s overcompensating for the fact that he’s already got a girlfriend. By acting like he’s fallen head over heels for you, he can trick you into thinking you’re the only one in his life when really he’s got five other women on his plate. Such a sketchy jerk.
  10. He only wants sex. Sometimes guys will go to great lengths to try to make you think they want to be your boyfriend, when they really want to have sex with you and nothing more. So check his behavior: if he’s offering to take you away for the weekend but can’t meet up with you for dinner, something’s amiss. He’s using big, romantic gestures to get what he wants from you without actually investing in a relationship.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.