Saying something and meaning something completely different isn’t a gender-specific phenomenon. Let’s be honest, ladies—how many times have you told a man you’re “fine” when you’re definitely not? However, we guys can be particularly hard to decode. Here are some things we say and what we actually mean by them.
- “I love you, I’m just not IN love with you.” Okay, I think I’m guilty of using this myself in the past. (Save your boos and hisses, everyone loves a reformed bad boy.) What this means is that we’re craving that feeling of excitement that you get at the start of a relationship. This doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship, but it IS a massive red flag. If we’re saying this, we’ll expect YOU to turn things around and win us over because yes, men suck! I apologize on behalf of our gender.
- “My feelings for you are too intense for me to deal with right now.” You’ve probably figured this one out for yourself. It means we’re too into our lifestyle of Xbox, drinking with friends, and watching football to do anything other than sleep around. You offered us a commitment and we didn’t want it. Guys like this may be worth it in 10 years, but we aren’t at the moment.
- “I really want to stay friends.” This is used as a stock comment to cushion the blow. Everyone knows that if you were lovers to start with, being “just friends” is frankly unlikely. After all, what happens when we move on? “Hi, new girlfriend, just gonna go hang out with the ex, hope that’s cool?” That isn’t going to happen, so sooner or later you are going to get “dumped” for a second time. Why bother?
- “I never wanted to hurt you.” This means we already have, probably. However, if we’ve made a decision we knew would hurt you then we didn’t value you as highly as we should have. True, some of us probably really do feel bad for screwing you over, but many of us say this because we feel like we have to.
- “We need to talk.” Does this even need explaining? It’s either “Dear John” time or we’re about to come out of the closet. Nothing good can come of this. If we utter this timeless phrase, it’s pretty safe to assume that whatever comes next won’t be good.
- “I don’t deserve someone like you.” In other words, we’re dumping you but we want you to get over it quickly so we don’t feel bad. The weird thing is, though we might not want to admit it, this is probably actually true.
- “You’ll thank me one day.” A cliché? Sure. True? Yep. Because if we’re going to use this chestnut on you, you’re indeed better off without us. We don’t know why we resort to cliche platitudes like this when cutting the cord since we know deep down it doesn’t help, but that doesn’t keep us from doing it.
- “Never settle for anything less than a fairytale.” We’ve put you in his friend zone. It’s unusual territory for a girl, but your boobs are usually a great ticket out of it to those of us who are shallow, but if we are, I wouldn’t recommend you bother anyway.
- “We don’t need to put a label on this.” We still want to sleep with you but we’re definitely not your future husband.If you’re after something casual then this will probably be music to your ears. If you were picking out kids names, I’m sorry to break it to you…
- “She’s like a sister to me.” If we play off a friendship with a girl as “sisterly,” we’re almost certainly dreaming of sleeping with her (if we haven’t already). Chances are we’re trying to convince ourselves that we’re not being a jerk. Incidentally, if a girl says “he’s like a brother,” that’s what she genuinely means.
- “I didn’t plan to fall in love with her, it just happened.” Chances are we’re not even in love. We were thinking with our junk and in six months we’ll realize we’ve made a tragic mistake. Fortunately for you, by that point, you’ll have moved on to something better.
- “Sorry, didn’t hear my phone.” Puh-lease! The 15 pictures that we managed to like on Facebook beg to differ. It’s the 21st century and this lie can be pulled off by virtually no-one. Unfortunately, that hasn’t stopped many of us from trying it anyway.
- “We live together—how is that not spending time together?” Tragically in man-logic, this is correct. Explain “quality time” to us. If that doesn’t work, explain that quality time equals more time in the sack. If we still don’t get it, ditch us for someone who gives a damn. You do deserve a fairytale (and no, that wasn’t me friend-zoning all our readers).
- “I’m just looking for some fun.” We want to have sex with you. Simple and probably not something you needed to be translated, but oh well. If a guy says this and you’re NOT looking for a no strings attached arrangement, don’t bother.
