Guys, Stop Being Lazy — I Won’t Date You If You Put In Zero Effort

Maybe I just care too much, but it astounds me how many men out there seem to have no interest in getting a woman to like them. Or at least, that’s what their behavior suggests. I don’t ask for much, but if you want to get with me, you’re at least going to have to do these basic things:

  1. Show interest. It seems like a no-brainer, but apparently that’s not the case. It’s insane how few guys even initiate conversation or try at all in the beginning. It’s like they figure there’s always something better around the corner, so whatever. Either pursue me and make your intentions clear or get away from me.
  2. Talk to me. Have an actual, legitimate conversation with me. Get to know me. Make an effort to see if we get along and if we’re compatible. Don’t send me two texts and then ghost. I don’t want to waste another minute of my time on something that’s going absolutely nowhere. Either act interested or don’t bother in the first place.
  3. Call me. No one calls anyone anymore, and it drives me insane. If you’re trying to ask someone out, you should call that person. End of story. I don’t want to be asked out over text, or even worse, online. That means you didn’t even make the effort to get my phone number.
  4. Ask me out. For real. Over the phone. On a date. Don’t ask me to hang out, or chill, or whatever people are saying these days. I’m not that girl. I want someone who appreciates me as a person and wants to take me on a real date. If you’re too lazy to do so, then lose my number. I don’t need you to take me somewhere fancy, but at least put some thought into it.
  5. Shut up about yourself. You finally get to a first date, and he spends the entire time jabbering away about his own life and problems. I didn’t sign up to be your therapist, dude. Reality check: this doesn’t show how open and vulnerable you are. It shows how narcissistic, self-absorbed, and insecure you are. I want to get to know you, obviously, but we’re never going to work out if you don’t spend some time listening to me, too.
  6. Show some respect. I am a strong and independent woman. I don’t want a guy to be intimidated by me. I do want a man to respect me as an equal and treat me as such. My independence definitely doesn’t mean you get to abandon your manners and courtesy. I want someone who still opens doors, pulls out chairs, and gets up on the subway to give an older person his seat. No respect, no date.
  7. Think of interesting dates. If you’ve actually talked to me and taken some time to get to know what I like, you can do better than the overdone “dinner and a movie” date. If you haven’t, I don’t want to go out with you anyway. When I plan our dates, I’m going to be creative, and I expect the same from you.
  8. Compliment me. Strong, independent women still want to be complimented. Every woman likes hearing that she’s pretty, funny, intelligent, and wonderful. This problem baffles me more than anything else. It’s so easy to pay a compliment, and yet most men simply don’t bother. WTF?
  9. Treat me well. I will treat you well, but I want to know that you’ll do the same as well. I’ve been in too many situations where I was a great girlfriend to a terrible boyfriend. I’m wary of going there again, so sorry — you’re going to have to prove yourself.
  10. Consider my feelings. Yes, this is a component of a mature relationship. You have to think about someone besides yourself. You can’t just make whatever decision you want without thinking about whether it might hurt me. This means you need to tell me if you’re seeing other people, and you can’t just spout insensitive crap out of your mouth. All I ask is that you’re a considerate human being.
  11. Understand that I’m worth it. I can’t date any more men who don’t put in any effort. I know that I’m worthy of a great guy, and it drives me crazy that so many jerks don’t see it. Obviously they aren’t the right men for me, but I’m so tired of waiting around for one who is. When is someone going to man up and decide he wants me for his own?
  12. Show me you care. I’m pretty chill, but don’t treat me like one of your bros. Make at least little gestures to show that you’re interested and that you appreciate me as a person. It can be as small as a sweet, lingering kiss or brushing my hair away from my face. Just some little way of showing you care is always appreciated.
  13. Try your best. I’m not asking for perfection here. Just make a little effort, and I’ll be happy. What drives me insane are all the guys who simply don’t try at all. It’s extremely upsetting and frustrating. I’m starting to feel like it’s me, but I refuse to lower my standards just because men don’t seem to be capable of meeting them.
  14. Challenge me. Talk to me. Ask me deep questions. Find out what makes me tick. I want to connect on a deeper level, and I want someone who is all about doing that,too. Help make me want to be the best I can be every single day. There’s no point for me to bring another person into my life unless we’re going to benefit each other.
  15. Connect with me. I’m not looking for some surface BS, so if that’s all you want, let me know upfront. Don’t try to trick me into thinking you want more so you can get laid. I’m so done with that sneaky, dishonest behavior. Either put effort into what we have, or don’t even bother starting anything with me.


A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at