As if dating isn’t enough of a pain in the ass, starting a new relationship is even worse. I realize this should make me happy, but the first three months of a relationship are hell. They seem like fun, but it’s this painful whirlwind that doesn’t let me relax and actually enjoy being with a guy until several months in. Here’s why those first three months are so hard:
It all seems so fake.
Think about it — we’re both trying to impress each other, which means trying to be our best 100% of the time. I feel like I’m trying to be Barbie to his Ken. It all feels stiff and a little uncomfortable.
Gas is painful.
We all have to fart sometime. Why does it always seem to happen when I’m with my new boyfriend? I don’t think gassing him in the first three months is going to make him love me more. It might make him turn green, but that’s about it. Come month four and it’s time to release.
I’m overwhelmed by his people.
Every time we go out, I’m meeting someone new. I feel like a prized show dog being paraded in front of the judges. I know I’m supposed to impress them too, but I’m still busy getting to know him.
All the usual doubt and fear.
The moment I’m finally his girlfriend, I’m swamped with doubts and fears. Am I good enough? If he’s so great, why was he single? Is his ex still in the picture? What if his family hates me? It seems like things start to taper off and I feel confident in the relationship by the fourth month.
I feel like a book report.
Those first several months are the major “getting to know you” period. I think I’d rather just write up a book report of my highs, lows and need to know topics and get it all over with at one time. It’s like we’re constantly studying and analyzing one another.
I want to know what he’s hiding.
Since we’re trying to be our best selves, I’m more curious than ever to know what he’s hiding. I know what I’m hiding and I’d like to just get all his flaws and secrets out now versus waiting.
Everyone wants to meet him right this second.
I guess everyone thinks it’s not going to last, so they need to meet him from the moment I say I have a boyfriend. I wouldn’t want them to not get their two cents in. Frankly, I don’t want to introduce him to everyone yet. I’d like to make sure he likes me first.
I worry what friends and family will think.
When I do start making the rounds, I keep worrying what they’ll think of him. What if they don’t like him? Are they going to make things hard for us? Are they going to drive him away? This early on, they could very well ruin the relationship.
I’m supposed to decide our future now.
I’d love to relax and just see how things go, but no, I’m supposed to know during the first month or two what our future looks like. I’m lucky I know his last name. I don’t know if we have long term potential or how many kids we might want. That doesn’t stop everyone from asking though.
There are still some things I can’t say.
We might be together, but we’re still working on that initial trust. There are just some things I don’t trust him enough to talk about yet. Usually, there’s enough trust by the fourth month to be more open, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells the first three.
I hate having to impress.
I’m great at being myself, but not so much at impressing people with the best me. Parts of my not-so-best me always creep in. While I might be able to relax more and more with him, I’m still in the meeting everyone he knows phase. Plus, I’d like him to see me as much better than his exes.
It feels like a probationary period.
I feel like these first three months are the same as starting a new job. You have this probation period where if you’re not good enough, you get let go without any real explanation. I don’t like feeling as if I have to either make it or break it in just three months time.
I get sick of being judged.
I realize his friends and family are going to talk about me after meeting me, but couldn’t they at least wait until I’m out of earshot. No, they don’t. They start whispering when they think I’m not looking, but I still have ears. And damn if some people aren’t complete douchebags.
It takes so much time.
Since these first months are so crucial, I have to spend more time with him. While I love the extra time, I hate what it does to the rest of my schedule. I still have work, hobbies, friends and family to deal with. Mixing him in and making sure he gets the majority of my attention isn’t easy.
Friends get jealous and pissy.
For some reason, parents seem to understand, but friends don’t. I would think they’d get it since they perform the same disappearing act when they’re seeing someone new. Still, it’s not until I’m finally able to make more time for them that they stop acting like jealous children.
I want to eat like a guy.
While I’m not one of those eat a light salad kind of girls during a first date, I still don’t want to eat the world’s messiest burger until I’m sure he’s sticking around a while. I want to be able to eat junk food, make a mess and belch my approval when I’m finished. Trust me, most guys don’t find this impressive until at least several months in. Usually, this is when they stop holding back too.
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