He Moved In With Another Woman While We Were Still Dating

I always thought there was something a little bit “off” about the guy I was dating, I just never imagined he’d have someone on the side who was actually living with him. Here’s what happened.

  1. He didn’t like surprises, for starters. One day I wanted to pop around to see him out of the blue but couldn’t get away from work. I later told him that I’d been thinking of swinging by his place because he worked from home. Instead of seeming disappointed that I couldn’t, he told me he doesn’t really like surprises. I respected that, not thinking that he was hiding anything.
  2. His texting habits became super shady. I’m the type of person who needs to be in contact with the person I’m dating at least once a day and I don’t think that’s too much to ask! This guy and I were in the habit of talking on a daily basis, sometimes every few hours throughout the day, until one day that stopped out of the blue. Instead of getting in touch every few hours or even once a day, he’d sometimes go for a day or two without talking. What the heck was up? I didn’t want to make a big deal out of what could be nothing but it did stay in my mind.
  3. I noticed that he started to act weird about his place. I sometimes used to hang out at his place on the weekends, but now he was “super busy with work” that he had to get done ASAP. I thought this would affect one or maybe two of our weekends together, but no. It was becoming a permanent fixture in our relationship.
  4. Then he stopped talking to me at night. His texting habits were getting worse as time went by. Now, instead of chatting to me via WhatsApp at night, he’d only text or email while he was at work. It was like once he was home in the evenings, he was out of range. I would’ve thought he couldn’t communicate, but he had been doing it just fine until now…
  5. I felt like he was slowly pushing me out of his life. His texting habits had been reduced to almost nothing, he could never let me see him on the weekend… What the heck was going on? I felt like he was fading me out or something. I expressed that I was feeling neglected and he said that he was just busy but he wasn’t trying to get rid of me. A few days later, he invited me over to his place… on a Wednesday night. I tried not to read anything negative into this and decided to try to make the best of it. I actually thought at the time, “At least I’m still getting to see him.” Ugh.
  6. His place was different than the last time I was there. It seems he’d had some time to redecorate. Furniture had been moved from one room to another, the bathroom looked much more organized than it used to, and I just got a weird feeling that something more was going on. It was like he wasn’t living alone anymore.
  7. The curiosity was killing me. I had to find out what was going on. My curiosity and suspicions were killing me, so when we’d finished eating the dinner he’d cooked and were chilling on the couch, I decided to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and look around a bit. I really didn’t have to look far. Inside his cabinets were things that definitely didn’t belong to him like medication and some beauty applicators.
  8. I confronted him and he actually confessed. Dizzy with my discovery, I didn’t care that my snooping behavior would end our relationship. My heart and gut were screaming at me to tell the guy what I knew. I thought I was ready to hear the truth that he had someone else but part of me hoped he’d deny it. He didn’t. He told me straight up that he was dating another woman and she was actually living with him.
  9. Wait, what? I thought maybe he had a woman on the side, but now it turned out he had a woman he was in a more serious relationship with than me. I wasn’t even his main woman—not that that matters, but shock can make you think strange things.
  10. I wanted to kick myself. As I left his apartment, totally fuming and ready to burst into tears, I realized all the little signs I missed along the way. What the heck was I thinking to stay with a guy who never had time for me anymore, who wasn’t even capable of texting me regularly, and who didn’t even let me visit him at his home?
  11. He was wasting my time. He didn’t even try to fight to win me back after his confession. He was fine with watching me walk out of his apartment and life. It made me sick that he was lazy and floating along in our relationship, getting lots of perks while he had a more serious relationship on the side. What an a-hole.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.