If He’s Grossed Out By These Things, He’s Not Mature Enough For A Relationship

Beneath the gloss of the Instagram posts, every couple has an earthier side. You’re a living person full of guts, blood, and bile, and so is your romantic interest. Can he handle the nitty-gritty? Will he adore you under all circumstances, no matter how hairy things get? If your guy is grossed out by any of the following, he’s not ready for a real relationship:

  1. Periods. We ladies eject streams of blood and gelatinous clots (sorry, but you know it’s true) from our vaginas. Sometimes we get big ol’ abstract-art menstrual stains right on our derrieres. He’d better not tell you that’s gross. Even if it IS gross, he’s not permitted to say so if he wants to date you. Also, PSA to all the gents out there: we might stain your sheets at some point. Chill out — hydrogen peroxide works wonders on laundry.
  2. Impressive eating abilities.  You can chow a whole pizza solo, chase it with three beers, and still want dessert. The guy who picks on your diet, subtly or overtly, isn’t mature enough to be with you. Don’t ever let that bastard steal the last slice of pepperoni with extra cheese. Arm wrestle him for it. You’ll win.
  3. Epic belching and farting skills. Let me straighten something out for you. Girls do not “fluff,” “toot,” or any of the other ridiculous, cutesy names he’s come up with. We fart, loudly and well. We can burp with the best of ’em, too. If the object of your affection gets grossed out by your gaseous ways, don’t feel bad about yourself. He’s masking his feelings as revulsion, but he’s really just jealous that you can belch your ABCs and he can’t. Who needs that negativity in their relationship?
  4. Projectile vomiting when you’re sick. Raise your hand if you’ve ever thrown up your guts, snorted out green snot, or made 20 trips to the toilet in under an hour. All of us, right? Humans leak, expel, and sweat. Crap happens — literally, sometimes — so for God’s sake, if he can’t handle you in your nastiest form, find the man who understands that boyfriends are meant for making soup and wiping brows, not backing away as though you’re radioactive.
  5. Bawdy jokes. You know he’s cool with it when the boys say something rude, but you’re his delicate flower. You’re not supposed to do a damn thing unless it’s pretty. I’m not sure how this guy has lived so long in his fantasy bubble, but I AM sure it’s about time someone shook him up by refusing to hide her true nature under sweetness and light. A man who chastises you for getting raunchy isn’t ready to be your boyfriend.
  6. Seeing other guys express their feelings. Does He-Man clam up or tease other bros mercilessly when they show vulnerability? It’s one thing to be a little unsure what to do at such a moment — we know that dudes receive wildly different social training from women. However, a guy who gets too queasy when his buddies need a shoulder to cry on isn’t going to be much more supportive in your fragile moments.
  7. Sex. Sex is gooey. If he can’t handle your queefs, your post-oral sex breath, your pubic hair styling, or any of the many organic elements involved with such a coupling, he’s definitely too immature to be in a relationship or having sex at all. You’re not an airbrushed Barbie. Find somebody who can revel in all the squelchy goodness of getting down with you.
  8. Shows of affection. Maybe PDA isn’t his thing, but if he always backs off from sweet nuzzling or silly nicknames, he’s way too easily embarrassed. If he wipes your sloppy kiss from his cheek because he can’t stand the feel of your saliva on his skin, he’s… I don’t even know, but you deserve better, so ditch him.
  9. Women’s individual beauty choices. From snide memes about taking thoroughly made-up ladies swimming on the first date to derisive comments about chicks who “don’t try hard enough,” there are a million ways to bully women. It’s fine that he prefers a makeup-free look, but that doesn’t permit him to bash the gal who’s an artist with a brush nor shudder at the so-called “fakeness” of anyone’s primping routine.
  10. Public Breastfeeding. It’s literally the most natural thing in the world for a mother to feed her young. It is the design purpose of breasts to facilitate that dining experience. It’s never okay for a guy to shame any woman engaged in the process of nourishing her baby. Remind him that humans aren’t borne by bundle-carrying storks. We come from the human body. We’re sustained by the human body. Only an immature jerk finds that unseemly.
  11. Your numbers. Any of your numbers. Number of sexual partners, piercing-and-tattoo count, weight, cosmetic procedures undergone. Unless he embraces whatever mathematics make you who you are, the partnership won’t ever add up.
Jackie Dever is a freelance writer and editor in Southern California. When she's not working, she enjoys hiking, reading, and sampling craft beers.