If you’re sitting at home and wondering why the guy you’re head-over-heels in love with isn’t going out of his way to actually commit to you, wonder no longer. No, he’s not too busy and his phone didn’t die for days on end. The truth is, you’re not his priority, you’re his backup plan, and that’s BS.
He never makes concrete plans. He’ll never be quick to make plans for you on a specific day at a specific time. He wants to keep his schedule wide open—you know, just in case the girl he’s really into finally agrees to go out on a date with him. If you’re constantly getting last minute invitations to hang out, it’s quite likely that all of his other options are too busy.
You can never get ahold of him. A guy who’s really interested in you will have a life of his own, sure, but he’ll never be too busy to chat on the phone or exchange a few text messages throughout the day. If you’re the backup girl, you’ll realize you’re not #1 when the guy you’re digging is always missing in action. He might not return your phone calls at all or it’ll take him hours to reply to a simple “what’s up?” message. You’re not the first person on his mind so he’ll get back to you when he feels like it.
Trying to get information from him is like pulling teeth. Trying to get a simple answer out of him is like trying to gain access to the Pentagon. He’ll hold back on answering simple questions like where he’s been or where TF your relationship’s headed. The guy who’s keeping you as a backup won’t divulge too much too soon. He wants to keep you interested but he doesn’t want you to get too attached to him just in case he ends up leaving you for her.
Emotions? What emotions? He’ll open up to the girl he sees a future with, but if you’re simply a backup, he’ll guard his heart like it’s Fort Knox. Instead of trying to get him to open up and become one with his feelings, it’s time to realize this guy won’t be sharing his innermost thoughts with anyone other than the girl he’s really digging. Sadly, that girl probably isn’t you.
Date night is always on your couch. Don’t get it twisted—just because he’s sleeping with you doesn’t mean you’re the only girl in his rotation. He could very well be having sexy time with you on Thursday and trying to bed the girl he really desires on Friday. If a guy’s keeping you as a backup, he’ll want to keep the sexual side of your situationship flowing at all costs. But don’t expect him to wine and dine you. He’ll pull out all the stops for someone he’s really interested in but as his backup girl, you’ll get date nights cuddling on the couch and watching movies… on your Netflix account, of course.
He’s glued to his phone. If it always seems like he’s waiting for an important call or text to come through, he probably is. When you’re not a guy’s priority, it’s silly to believe he isn’t chatting with other girls. Even when the two of you are hanging out, he’ll be preoccupied with an uber-important text message that he’ll just have to answer right then and right there. If he doesn’t even bother to tell you who he’s replying to, you should just assume it’s the girl who really has his heart.
He’s crazy about his privacy. Everyone deserves their privacy, but most guys who are super obsessive about keeping things low-key usually have something to hide. He’ll tell you how he hates adding girls he’s dating to his social media accounts and he’ll dodge your phone every time you whip it out to take a picture of him. He can’t run the risk of his photo popping up online and the girl of his dreams coming across it, so he pulls the “I love my privacy” card to cover his tracks.
You haven’t met the important people. If you still haven’t met his friends and it’s been more than a couple of months, it’s not that he’s unsure about your relationship. It’s possible that there’s another girl in the picture who’s getting all the “girlfriend benefits” while you’re relegated to the role of the backup girl.
He’s gone with the wind during major holidays. Did you dream of watching the ball drop on New Year’s Eve while snuggled inside his arms? Well, if he’s keeping you as a backup and you didn’t even hear from him when the clock struck midnight, that’s a major red flag. Major holidays are when most people are feeling really happy and giddy inside, and they want to spend those special moments with the person they adore the most. If he didn’t stop by on Christmas Eve or ask you to watch the fireworks on the 4th of July, sadly, you could very well be his backup.
He never tries to impress you. Guys will go out of their way to show off and impress the girl in their lives. But if you’ve noticed he rarely gets all dressed up and dapper for you and he doesn’t care that his house looks like a pigpen when you drop by, you may not be the girl of his dreams after all. Not only that, you could be a placeholder until the girl he really wants finally gives him the time of day.
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