It’s 2020, and yet it’s still somewhat of a social taboo for women to ask men out. It’s time to change that. If you’ve just met a guy that you like and you think there could be some real chemistry there, why wait for him to make a move? Here are a few tips for taking the lead and asking a guy on a date. Trust me, it’s not as scary as you think.
- Don’t rush into it. When you make up your mind to ask a guy out, you’ll probably feel a sense of urgency. The excitement and danger of it will be intoxicating, and you’ll want to march over and blurt out your intentions before you can change your mind. But if you want things to go your way, you’ll need to take a few moments to compose yourself and plan your pickup line. The cooler and more confident you seem to him, the more irresistible your offer will be.
- Make it casual. No matter how into this guy you are, coming off as overeager is not going to score you any points. In fact, it may be distracting and even a bit awkward. Instead of asking him out to dinner or proposing marriage, try suggesting a coffee date or some kind of daytime outing. Dinner dates or elaborate plans could intimate him, and even if he is just as excited about you as you are about him, it might be too much pressure for a first date. Suggest something casual, and you’ll have him wanting more.
- Use humor. While intensity can be extremely sexy, it’s best to play it safe in this case and use humor as your method of approach. Making him laugh will disarm him and diffuse any awkwardness that might have crept into the interaction otherwise. And don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself if it does end up being a little uncomfortable. There’s nothing more lovable than a person who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Laugh it off and follow through with your plan.
- Make sure your intentions are clear. There’s no point going to the trouble of asking a guy out if he doesn’t actually understand that that’s what you’re doing. While you may be overcome with nerves and not want to come across as desperate, being specific about what you’re asking is far more attractive and likely to get you what you want. Make sure you have a where and when in your invitation, like “coffee on Friday” or “a museum on Saturday.” If you’re the one taking the initiative to ask him out, make sure he has something to say yes or no to.
- Don’t make it a big deal. Consider how many times men ask women out over the course of their lives. It’s totally normal and rarely a life-changing decision. Think of asking guys out like submitting job applications: it’s extremely mundane and not a big deal if you get rejected. And there will always be more options that arise. Don’t put pressure on yourself to come away with a date. If you do, great! If not, move on. It is by no means the end of the world, and there are plenty more people in the world who you can ask out.
- Buy him a drink. If you want to pull a real power play, establish your position by buying him a drink. This will make it clear that you’re not the kind of woman who waits around for the guy to make the first move, and it gives you time to get to know him better before deciding whether or not to ask him out.
- Small talk is your friend. In most instances, small talk is deadly. Everyone hates it and it rarely reveals anything interesting about either person. But if you layer on some flirting and body language, you’ll be able to use small talk as a bridge to asking him out without making it seem abrupt. You can also make it sexy and playful if you get the tone right. In fact, he may even decide to ask you out before you get the chance.
- Be direct. Sometimes abruptness is actually the best option. If you’re not fluent in small talk, just go straight in for the kill. Confidence is sexy, and the element of surprise will take him off guard and put you in a position of power. While you want to avoid coming across as desperate, knowing what you want and saying it without hesitation or pretense is irresistibly attractive.
- Give him space to respond. Given that men aren’t as accustomed to getting asked out as women are, he may not know how to respond at first. You may be caught up in your own adrenaline rush and make snap assumptions about his immediate reaction to you, but chances are, he’s just processing the situation. Give him a little while to think about what you’ve said before you assume he’s uninterested.
- Expect success. One of the most helpful mindsets you can have when pursuing any goal is the assumption that you’ll get what you want even before you’ve tried. Make positivity a self-fulfilling prophecy. If the guy you’re asking out picks up on your self-confidence, he’ll be much more likely to agree to a date than if you approach him expecting to fail. Mindset is everything. Understand that you are worthy of any man you ask out, and even if you’re rejected once or twice, it does not discourage you.
