Without any standards, you’ll just be going with the flow of everyone else’s current and you’re setting yourself up to be used, abused, and totally mistreated. Not cool. But how do you get standards? Here are 10 tips to ensure you start leading your own life so you can go where you want and avoid toxic relationships.
Know your worth.
It’s time to stop second-guessing yourself or filling your head with doubts about whether or not you’re smart/amazing/a catch. You are all of those things, and more. If you don’t believe that, who will?
Don’t turn a blind eye.
If you’re always turning a blind guy to a guy’s faults, you’re always lowering your standards. Soon, you’ll be completely blinded by love and allowing him to walk all over you. Keep your heart open but your eyes peeled for signs that someone isn’t right for you.
Get a jerk filter.
It’s not enough to notice those red flags and then just forget about them. You have to have a jerk filter when you go out on dates. A jerk filter is basically a name for all your dealbreakers. So, when you process those red flags the guy is showing you, you’ll notice ones that are dealbreakers instead of letting them pass. It pays to know what your dealbreakers are because they are linked to your standards.
Forget the fantasy.
I’m not saying love isn’t amazing and fulfilling, but don’t buy into the fairytale that it’s going to be perfect or that you can change a not-so-great man into someone worthy of loving. It ain’t gonna happen! Fantasies will only lead you astray and make you turn a blind eye to a guy’s fatal flaws. Leave them at home.
Know what you want.
It sounds really simple to say you should know what you want when dating, but really think about it because you might find you haven’t given it enough thought. If you don’t know what exactly you’re looking for in a partner, you’ll be floating around and you won’t get what you want. Period. FYI: knowing what you want isn’t being fussy, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Your needs might change as you grow older and wiser. For example, you’ll realize that those hot bad boys are actually not good boyfriend material. But, you should never settle for less than what you want and what you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve. If you do that, you’re pretty much signing your happiness away.
Carry yourself with confidence.
When you believe in what you have to offer someone, you’ll be confident. This will make you walk tall and speak from the heart. It will make you feel strong to express what it is you want and what you don’t want, which will filter out all the jerks that you don’t need in your life.
Be clear about where you stand.
You can’t be a woman with standards if you aren’t clear about what you say. When you want to say “no” to a guy’s invitation, say it instead of saying “maybe” and giving him the idea that you’re not sure of yourself. That’s not a sign of a woman with standards who knows what she’s after. Similarly, when a guy asks you for rent money but it feels dodgy to give it to him, say so with clarity and don’t be afraid to set boundaries. When a guy asks you what you’re looking for, speak up instead of holding your peace – a woman with standards doesn’t roll over and play dead.
Don’t forget to set your boundaries.
Boundaries are linked to standards because they help you to figure out what is okay and what isn’t okay. They’re basically a way of respecting yourself because they prevent others from being able to walk all over you. If you don’t have boundaries, you’re a walking doormat.
Don’t get swamped by fomo.
If you’ve been single for a long time it can make you worry that you’re never going to find the right person, and this can make you settle or lower your standards so that you have more shots at love. But more shots doesn’t mean that you’ll have more success, so stick to what you know is right for you. It’s better to have standards and wait for the right person than to just date for the sake of it. Don’t deal with the stress of time running out by wasting it on the wrong guy. That never led anyone to happiness.
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