How To Break Up With Someone As Gently As Possible

Getting dumped is hard, but breaking up with someone can feel even more stressful. Not only do you have to ensure you’re making the right decision, but you’ll have to deal with the possible guilt of ripping someone else’s life apart. Take a deep breath. Although breaking up with someone is hectic, there are easy ways to get through it and let them down gently. Here’s how to break up with someone.

1. Do it quickly. The worst thing you can do is text your boyfriend that you “need to talk” and then plan for a meeting that’ll take place in five hours’ time. Yikes! It’s not fair to make the person feel jumpy all day. It also drags out the breakup, which isn’t fair on you or them. Organize to meet up with them without telling them why, and resolve to do the breaking up quickly, like ripping off a plaster.
2. Practice what you’re going to say. It helps to have a bit of a script in your head before you decide to break up with someone, otherwise, you might find that your nerves get the better of you while the person you’re about to dump is saying, “What is it? Just tell me.” Torture!
3. Focus on your feelings. Instead of listing all the things the other person did wrong, which can be hurtful even if it’s, like, true that they’re the reason why you’re ending things, it’s just kinder to focus on your feelings. Your partner won’t be able to argue with you about your feelings or preferences. So, shoot from there.
4. Set breakup boundaries. It’s important to be clear about where you stand with the person moving forward. Don’t say something that will give them hope for a relationship sequel, such as, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” or “Yeah, we can hang out.” Don’t do it! It’ll just set you back later and it’s cruel to the other person. When you break up with someone, set ground rules and stick to them.
5. Be polite, but firm. You don’t want to be too kind to the person or try to boost their self-esteem by praising them. Um, hello, you’re supposed to be breaking up with them. Even though you don’t have to be abrupt or harsh with your words, you do need to be firm with them.
6. Don’t agree to friendship. If you really don’t want to be friends with this person, don’t give them false hope that you’re going to become the best of friends after the breakup. It’s not fair and it puts you in an awkward situation later when they’re firing up your phone with a bunch of daily texts that you don’t want. When you break up with someone, taking space is important. That might be temporary or long-term, but that’s not a decision you should be making now.
7. Let them speak. Yes, you’re trying to break up with someone, but it’s not all about you. After you’ve said what you need to say, let the person ask you questions and express what they’re feeling. This will help to give them closure, so you shouldn’t deny them the chance to say what’s on their mind. However, if you’ve explained yourself and the person won’t let it go, you have a right to kindly end the conversation. It helps to have somewhere else to be.
8. Do it in person. Unless the person is a psycho or stalker, or abusive, you should always break up with them in person. It’s the most respectful way to end a relationship.
9. Don’t use cliches. While it’s sometimes hard to know what to say when breaking up with someone, resist the temptation to use breakup cliches, like “It’s not you, it’s me” or “You’re amazing and deserve better.” Remember, it’s not your job to make them feel good. You just have to share your truth in a kind way and peacefully end things.
10. Do it in a quiet place. While you might want to break up with someone in a public place, you should always choose a quiet location, like a restaurant where you’re the only ones there or your apartment when your roommates are out for the evening. Never try to have a conversation with the person when you’re in a noisy place. You’re going to have to scream at each other, which can make the whole situation ugly.
11. Plan ahead for it. Although you might want to get things done and over with ASAP, it’s not good to break up with someone spontaneously, like when you’re at the movies or in a club and you interrupt what they’re saying by telling them you want to break up. Geez! It makes the situation so much more complicated and uncomfortable, plus forces you to have a follow-up conversation for clarity. Too much of a hassle.
12. Stick to your guns. It’s easy to cave when the other person becomes angry, sad, or completely devastated. They might also promise that they’ll change and be a better partner. Ugh. Sure, you feel sorry for what they’re going through, but that shouldn’t make you change your path. This is why it’s important to dig through your feelings before deciding to end the relationship so you know you’re doing what feels right to you. When you’re trying to break up with someone, you have to put yourself first.
13. Try to stay calm. Although you’re not a robot and will be feeling a cocktail of emotions, it’s best to break up with someone when you’re feeling calm and confident. This will help you to get your message across without being blinded by your feelings. Try to do something before the breakup talk that will put you in that serene frame of mind. It can be anything that keeps you chilled and makes you feel confident, such as chatting to an optimistic friend or getting a massage at a spa. You can do this! Now go out there and face the breakup with your head held high.