We all know someone who makes incredibly questionable decisions or fails to grasp basic concepts. Before you scream into a pillow, here are some ways to manage that person in your life (and keep your sanity intact!).
1. Recognize that “common sense” isn’t universal.
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PsychCentral defines common sense as something everyone knows, but it’s not quite that simple. What seems obvious to you might be baffling to someone else. Different life experiences, learning styles, and upbringings shape how people view the world. Trying to force your idea of “common sense” onto them is a recipe for a headache.
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2. Adjust your expectations.
If you know they’re prone to dropping the ball, set your expectations accordingly. Don’t rely on them for mission-critical tasks if you have any other choice. Avoid unnecessary frustration by setting the bar low from the get-go.
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3. Pick your battles.
Is it really worth arguing about every little thing they do wrong? Prioritize the issues that actually affect you, and let the small annoyances slide. If arguing over their choice of socks won’t change anything, save your energy for the truly important battles.
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4. Try to see things from their perspective.
Understanding their thought process might not make their actions logical, but it can lessen your frustration. Are they oblivious, impulsive, or just have a very different way of thinking? Maybe they’re always running late because they have no sense of time, not because they’re disrespecting you.
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5. Be patient (to a point).
Some people just need things explained more clearly or repeatedly. Remember, most aren’t intentionally trying to drive you crazy. However, there’s a limit to how much explaining you should have to do. If they won’t put in any effort to learn or remember, that’s on them.
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6. Offer specific guidance instead of general criticism.
Instead of yelling “Use your brain!” give them concrete instructions. Turn “Don’t do that!” into “Try it this way.” It helps more than vague complaints. Give them actionable steps instead of just expressing your displeasure. As the Harvard Business Review notes, giving advice is important in professional situations, but it should be as specific as possible if you actually want it to be helpful.
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7. Set clear boundaries if they’re impacting your life.
You’re not obligated to fix their problems or take on extra burdens for them. It’s okay to say, “I can’t help with this,” or, “You’ll need to handle this yourself.” Firm but fair boundaries are essential if you don’t want to become their perpetual clean-up crew.
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8. Focus on solutions, not just the problem.
Help them brainstorm ways to avoid similar issues in the future. Could they use checklists, reminders, or ask for help before making big decisions? Finding practical solutions is more helpful than dwelling on past screw-ups, even if it’s tempting to vent.
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9. Don’t take it personally (most of the time).
Chances are, their questionable choices aren’t a direct attack on you. People lacking common sense often frustrate everyone in their orbit, not just you. If they’re oblivious to the consequences their actions have on others, it’s about them, not you. If you struggle to accept this, Forbes suggests avoiding jumping to conclusions and simply letting things go.
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10. Lead by example.
Demonstrate good decision-making, clear communication, and problem-solving in your own life. They might learn something through observation, even if direct advice fails. Instead of constantly nagging them, show them what taking responsibility, planning ahead, and thinking things through looks like in action.
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11. Have a sense of humor about it.
Sometimes you have to laugh to avoid crying! Venting to a trusted friend or sharing relatable memes can ease the frustration. If you can turn their mishaps into a private joke with someone else, it lessens the feeling of carrying the entire burden of annoyance alone.
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12. Recommend outside resources if they’re open to it.
If their lack of common sense stems from a learning difference or another issue, gently suggest they seek professional help or resources to gain new skills. Maybe an ADHD coach, time management course, or simply a book on common-sense decision-making could provide helpful tools. However, don’t push if they’re resistant; change has to come from them.
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13. Know when to distance yourself.
If they consistently drain your energy, take advantage of you, or refuse to take responsibility, it’s okay to limit contact for your own well-being. This doesn’t mean a dramatic breakup, but it might mean setting clearer boundaries or just seeing them less often.
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14. Channel your frustration productively.
Instead of fuming, use that feeling as fuel to improve an area of your own life! Organize your closet, tackle a project you’ve been putting off, or get some exercise. Turning a negative feeling into something positive helps offset the constant annoyance you feel around them.
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15. Celebrate the small victories.
If they successfully complete a task without much drama, or actually remember something important, acknowledge their progress! Positive reinforcement can be motivating. Sometimes focusing on the small wins, rather than always harping on the failures, can create a little momentum for positive change.
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16. Practice compassion.
It’s frustrating, but sometimes the lack of common sense points to a deeper issue. Maybe they’re struggling with anxiety, ADHD, or something else that affects their judgment. A little empathy goes a long way, even if it doesn’t magically make them stop doing frustrating things.
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17. Remember, you can’t change them.
Ultimately, they must be willing to work on themselves. You can only control your own actions and reactions. Trying to force someone to think differently is an uphill battle and is likely to lead to resentment on both sides.
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18. Accept who they are (even if you don’t understand it).
Accepting reality doesn’t mean giving up on boundaries. It just means freeing yourself from the pointless struggle to turn them into a completely different person. You can still care about them, even while accepting their limitations.
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