There’s no harder pill to swallow than realizing that a guy who you were into was using you all along. That said, there’s a certain way that you learn to get over him. They appear in every walk of life, so it’s essential for everyone to have some hints and tips about how best to negotiate the breakup.
- Embrace a hoe phase. Society needs to get less judgemental about alternative therapeutic challenges. No one route to recovery is the same. Frankly, one of the most cathartic ways of dealing with the initial blow of a guy who used you is to get some. It might not be the long-term solution that your emotional side wants you to engage with, but it’s what your body wants. Do what you need to get by, and stay safe – but also use this period to experiment. Discover more about your needs, wants, and kinks and that will ensure you know how to value yourself in future relationships.
- Find a therapist. Toxic guys leave their marks around the world – I’m not just talking about skid marks either. Gross, I know, but we need to remind ourselves of the terrible things that they put us through in these opening stages of a breakup. It’s so that we actually stick to our guns. A therapist can help us with that because you will finally have the time to commit to self-discovery. Unpack why you are drawn to the type of guy who uses you. Stop that from happening in the future.
- Turn to friends and family for support. If the institutional or formal help is a little intimidating, why not look to less official avenues? Support is all around us, so look for ways you can protect yourself. Your friends watched you go through the relationship and the breakup and they know just how bad that person used you. They want to be there for you.
- Move back in with your mom for a week. She knows what you need even in ways that you don’t know. You will find yourself baking the old comfort recipes that you used to love and rewatching the nostalgic classics from the time of yore. When you can smell the cookies in the oven, that’s when you can unwind.
- Have a slob weekend. There’s no shame in just bugging out and doing nothing for a couple of days. Whip out your favorite can of ice cream and the worst Christmas films out of season and you’ll be right at home. Shower at the end of it and you’ll feel that much freer.
- Get drunk. This stage happens right after you have that shower we just talked about. Put on an outfit that makes you feel confident and just leave it all out on the dancefloor. This isn’t about going out on the pull. This is about you. Make yourself feel good. Get the fruity drinks at the bar that make your head spin, and just relax. Unwind, get three shots short of sloshed, and head home with a full heart and friends that will look out for you.
- Reflect. When you’re nursing a hangover get an orange shake and think. That’s scary, I know. Bring out your favorite comfort food and drink and take it slow. But start making the necessary steps towards emotional recovery. Acknowledge your pain and hurt. Make him accountable for using you. You won’t find the one by making the same mistakes.
- Talk to people with similar experiences. This makes us all feel like we’re part of a community. No one is alone. Friends and family try to understand, but actually feeling seen and heard is more important.
- Be kind to yourself. This is the most important stage of proceedings. There is no timeline to recovery and we should all give ourselves space to do what needs to be done. You are more than you offer to other people, and your power is not in forgiving them, but in valuing yourself. This is an important fact to remember all the time when you’re dealing with the aftermath of people who use you. It’s not always just in romantic situations too, you have to look out for people who manipulate and use you in platonic friendships.
All this to say, look out for yourself, and stay strong. You deserve the best. This time of reflection will help you find what you want in future relationship.