How To Go No Contact: A Step By Step Guide To Cutting Him Off

I know that everyone says that hardest thing to do is let someone go, particularly when you still love them. However, often it’s the best thing for everyone if you do. As with all things, that is easier said than done. Here’s a rundown of a few things to do to help get the wheels in motion and go no contact so you can truly move on.

  1. Define the terms. What are you trying to do? Ask yourself: why are you quitting cold turkey? The answer: you’re trying to protect each other, but most importantly, yourself. This is an important thing to reflect on when things get hard. It anchors you, and it’s helpful to outline your plan from the start. Stick with an absolute agenda – no contact, and come up with actionable ways to make that happen.
  2. Get your friends and family on board. The next few weeks, and particularly the first day, are going to be the hardest. You need your people around you to support you and give you guidance when you require it. People on the outside have great external perspectives too. They can refresh your mindset and give you more reason to continue when you run out.
  3. Have a plan every day. Don’t let yourself wake up and drift towards him again out of a sheer lack of things to do. You are allowed to still be happy and have fun, even in these dark days. The fact that you have a life outside of them is a testament to the fact that you’re doing the right thing by trying to move on. Treasure that space and independence.
  4. Do fun things without him. I know that there might be certain activities that are more difficult or triggering than others, but you owe it to yourself to give it a try. Take up new hobbies, but also reclaim the old ones even if you shared them together. However, if you try that and it feels particularly triggering, then don’t push it. Stick to whatever makes you feel comfortable and stable.
  5. Take up running or work out. This is a great way of refocusing your energies. Try to redirect your anxiety or sense of loss by creating something new to fill up your life. Drag a friend out on cold November mornings and make a day of it by stopping by a coffee shop.
  6. Block his number. Delete his contact information. Get rid of his name on all your socials. All of them. I’m talking email, Linkedin, Pinterest – Tumblr, even. Wherever his name could crop up and blindside you, protect yourself against that. It’s like those toxic celebrities that you unfollow on Instagram and barely notice that they were there in the first place.
  7. Block his friends too. You don’t need an unnecessary connection to a pastime. Even if you’re on relatively good terms with them, Marie Kondo that social media feed. If they don’t actively spark joy, get rid of them. You control so much of what you see, so focus on that. But keeping a friend of an ex on the socials is a gesture that means you’re trying to hang onto something. They remind you of a previous time – the last legacy.
  8. Go on a mini-break. Cleanse yourself. Like all addictions and obsessions, you will have withdrawals and you will want to go back to them. But you have to avoid all contact, and this big step is often achieved by removing yourself from the situation. Take your kid sister on a vacation for the week and treat yourself. You deserve it.
  9. Do the things that make you happy. Do the things you couldn’t do when you were with them. You will realize how liberating it is to be independent and find your own fulfillment. This will also help you to recognize all the signs that he didn’t care about your feelings. Don’t define yourself by other people and you will be able to unpack all that went wrong and prevent this sort of hurt next time. There will be a next time, don’t worry.

Just makes sure, above all, that you look after yourself throughout the whole process. Have friends on standby to support you and be firm when you need it. You aren’t going through this alone. You don’t gain anything from reaching out to your ex when you have nothing to say. Trust me.

Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.