Predators are all around us and online, sometimes hiding in plain sight. It’s not always easy to spot them, probably because you never think they’re going to come after you. But you could become a victim of a sexual predator. Research by the Bureau of Justice Statistics has found that six out of 10 women know the person who has sexually assaulted them. To keep yourself safe, make sure you keep an eye out for these 10 red flags.
1. They’re Power-Hungry.
A predator is always seeking power so they can dominate their victims. This is why they might seek out someone who doesn’t have as much power in some ways, such as if they lack money, so they can meet the person’s need and exert control over them. So, if you’re broke and the guy you’ve met wants to help fund your new car, it’s a huge red flag.
2. They Say Things Like, “I Promise.”
When you first meet a predator, they’re going to be charming and seem perfect. It’s creepy. They might even try to put themselves down or seem playful about what they say, but be alert and listen to your gut for something that feels “off.” So, if they say they can pick you up for a date, they might add, “Don’t worry, I won’t put you in the trunk of my car. I promise!” Um, why bring it up then?
3. They Neg You.
Predators often think the way to get around a woman’s defenses is by negging her — throwing out an insult beneath a thinly veiled compliment. If this has worked for you in the past, it’s important to work on upping your self-esteem as well as your self-respect so it doesn’t happen again. Our sister site, Sweetn, can help with that. They use science to help you change your mind so you can have a better love life. Check them out here.
4. They Say “We” From The Start.
Although you want to be with someone who brings you into their world and says “we” instead of “I,” it’s a red flag if they do this right off the bat. For example, if you’re feeling under the weather and he calls you to check in by saying, “Seems we’re feeling poorly today” or “Wow, we’ve just got a promotion – that’s awesome!” It might make you feel warm and fuzzy, but it should make you be eyeing out that exit.
5. They Don’t Feel Bad For Anything.
Sooner or later, the predator’s mask of perfection is going to start crumbling. By listening to what they say and checking what they do in their lives, you’ll see a pattern forming in which they don’t feel bad for anything. They might treat the waiter like crap or scrape someone’s car in the parking lot of a club and not even flinch or apologize. Yikes.
6. They Lack Empathy.
Linked to the previous point, someone who’s a predator lacks empathy. They don’t understand other people’s pain or emotions at all. So, when you tell them about the crappy day you had, they’ll just frown or tell you not to be “so dramatic.” It’s a red flag that you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t feel anything for anyone, as they can hurt others with no shame.
7. They Isolate You From Others.
To get control of you, a predator is going to want to pull you away from your strong support system. They need you to depend on them, so don’t be surprised when they try to paint your bestie as someone who’s using you so you turn against them, or when they swoop in to “comfort” you when you have a fight with your roommate so they can try to persuade you to move in with them.
8. They’re Kind To Get Favors In Return.
A predator will be eager to wine and dine you, bring you flowers, and make you feel like a million bucks. What’s the catch? They want something in return. A sexual predator will want sexual favors in return. It’s so messed up. So, be wary of anyone who comes on strong and seems desperate to try to make you like them.
9. They Wow You With Attention.
Similar to the previous point, a predator will give you all of their attention at first to manipulate you. They want to seduce you into depending on them. So, they’ll chat to you for hours online about your dreams, goals, and fears. They’ll text you to see that you’re doing okay on a stressful day. You feel like you’re getting closer to them, but they’re reeling you in to hurt you.
10. They Agree With You About Everything.
To make you feel good, a predator will be super agreeable. They seem to agree with everything you love/think/feel. It should make you suspicious if they’re always raving about things you love. They might be scouring your social media and mentioning they love horse riding or mountain climbing because they’re trying to impress you. Check for inconsistencies, such as a man who tells you they hate bad spelling but has tons of spelling errors in his texts.
11. They Overstep Boundaries.
A predator wants control and won’t stop until they get it. They don’t care about boundaries – they’ll walk right over them. You might tell them you don’t want them to come over and they’ll pitch up at your house anyway. Or, you’ll say you don’t want to move further than kissing and they’ll try to push their luck by becoming touchy-feely. No! They need to get out.
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