How To Stay High Value When He Doesn’t Get In Touch

Getting no reply to your texts can make you feel rejected, especially when it’s been a day or to (or longer!) since you heard from the guy you thought was going to be your new boyfriend. Ugh. Your thoughts are likely to plummet, making you feel that you’re not lovable, worthy, or that you did something wrong… Whoa, wait! Don’t go down that spiral. Here’s how to maintain your value and worth even when he’s avoiding you. You’ll feel so much better.

  1. Tell yourself it’s nothing personal. You might wonder, “How the hell can it not be personal? I’m being rejected here on a personal level!” Sure, that makes sense, but I stick to my guns. This isn’t about you. Maybe he realized you weren’t compatible or he actually didn’t want to get into a relationship right. There are so many things that can happen to make a relationship not happen, so why should you carry the weight of his decision?
  2. Repair your confidence. You’re feeling down right now, and maybe your confidence could do with a bit of a repair, so pull yourself out of the slump by doing things that always make you feel good about yourself. Go play a round of tennis with the girls if your skills always boost your mood, or take an art class to release some endorphins.
  3. Spread some of the love. You should be the love you want to receive from others. Giving others some love, whether that involves giving some advice to your friend who’s going through a rough patch or volunteering at an orphanage close to where you live, will make you realize just how much love there is in the world – and you’ll be reminded that you’re a person of value.
  4. Try to pull back already. Look, you might convince yourself that sending him just one more text is going to turn this whole situation around and make him answer you, but this is a risky game that usually doesn’t result in a win. If he wanted to contact you, he would’ve. He doesn’t get in touch, so why should you? Besides, sending him texts to jumpstart the chemistry back to life will only make it seem like you’re gunning for a relationship whereas he’s not into it. Ugh.
  5. Learn something new from it. It might sound trite to say that you can learn from this situation, but you really can. The key is to look at what you can learn about why he’s not that right for you, ’cause you’ve already mastered the lessons of how you’re amazing and will get over this, right? If he’s not in your life, there’s a reason for it. Searching for it, like by remembering how he wasn’t reliable and always gave you mixed messages, will help you to make sense of the situation so you can change your view. Him not replying to you is actually a blessing!
  6. What do you need? Now’s the time when you might feel your needs aren’t being met because you got rejected. You have the power to make yourself happy, so ask yourself what you need right now. This could take the form of experiences that make you feel less alone all the way to getting a new haircut so you show yourself some love. Whatever you need, give it to yourself! You’ll see that you don’t need anyone to value or love you, ’cause you’ve got that covered.
  7. Give yourself the BFF treatment. If you told your best friend about what happened with this guy, chances are she’d remind you of why you’re amazing and how he’s the one missing out. Do that for yourself. Think about the traits you have that make you a catch, but go one step further: think about why you’d make a better girlfriend to him than he deserves. He’s not stepping up or showing up in your life, and that says a whole lot about him.
  8. Hide his news from your feed. You don’t want to see the guy all over your Facebook and Instagram now that he’s gone AWOL and you’re pulling back. So, change your privacy settings if you don’t want to completely delete and block the guy (although that’s a very good idea). This will prevent you from seeing him and what he’s up to in his life. Outta sight, outta mind.
  9. Feel the power of no. It might sound crazy, but sometimes having a door slammed in your face and hearing the word “no” can be the most powerful thing. It pushes you into action, helps you to take stock of what you really want out of life, and could inspire you to forge a new path. Without knowing it, he’s given you the gift of time to dedicate to this stuff instead of wasting your time dating him, so don’t take it for granted!
  10. Think back to other bad times. There have been many times in the past when you were distraught about something bad that happened, but you managed to get through it – and blossomed into a stronger woman because of it. Now’s the time to think about those times and draw strength from them. You got through them, so you’ll be able to get through this. It’s especially good to think about how much worse you’ve gone through. This situation will pale in comparison and remind you that you’re not someone who gets knocked down and stays there. You’re the type of woman who gets up and keeps throwing punches!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.