I Won’t Settle For Friendship With A Guy I Want A Relationship With

There are some women who can be friends with guys who’ve rejected them, but I’m not one of them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, of course; it’s just not conducive to my happiness. If I like a guy and he only sees me as a friend, sorry, but this is why I’d rather just cut off contact completely:

  1. I can’t turn off my feelings. Writer Sylvia Plath once said, “I like people too much or not at all,” and I’m inclined to agree. If I really like a guy romantically, I can’t turn off those feelings in a hurry. Staying friends with him is only going to bring me pain.
  2. Friendship feels like a consolation prize. I know friendship is valuable, but in the context of unrequited love, it feels like winning a luggage set instead of the main prize, which was the trip to Hawaii.
  3. It’s hard to destroy hope. If I’m going to be around a guy after he rejected me romantically, hope is going to be a killer. I’m going to keep crossing my fingers that he’ll change his mind about me, only to get disappointed again and again. I can’t deal with all that drama.
  4. I know what I want and won’t settle for less. Ejecting a guy from my life because he’s not interested in dating me sounds like I’m an egomaniac. But it’s really not about that. I just know what I want in life, and I’m not the type to settle for less. Friendship feels like a downgrade, and as great as it might be, it’s not what I wanted, so why should I force it to happen?
  5. It’s self-preservation, not selfishness. The guy who dissed me was looking out for himself. He made the choice not to be with me, and hey, that’s his right. But I have rights, too. I need to look after myself and focus on what’s good and healthy for me. I can’t stay in a friendship if I’m not going to be happy; my needs need to matter more.
  6. I’m not fake. I’m upfront about who I am, and I don’t have time to pretend to be someone else. I’m not going to meet the guy for lunch while inwardly seething because my attraction to him is practically killing me. I’d rather walk away from the situation than have to grin and bear future discomfort. Why put myself in those situations?
  7. I have enough friends. I have loads of friends in my life. I really don’t need a guy who has rejected me romantically to become one of them. It just feels warped, like trying to ignite a friendship with an ex after the awkwardness of a breakup. Some people are just not meant to be friends, and that’s okay.
  8. I won’t remain stuck in my life. It’s easy to get wrapped up in a guy I’m romantically interested in. If that guy is now my friend, crap’s going to go down. I’m going to be holding off on meeting other guys because this one’s going to become a priority. I’m going to waste a lot of time analyzing things he’s done or said, combing through everything to check if he’s making a move. I don’t have time for that. I want to move onto bigger, better things.
  9. I don’t recycle issues. There are bound to be issues if I remain friends with a guy I’m into who’s rejected me. These problems are going to crop up into our friendship in some shape or form, which means I’m going to have to deal with them because I caught a nasty case of romantic feelings. Ugh. I don’t want to be stuck in a fat pile of emotional baggage, which is the same reason why I can’t be friends with my exes. I want to chuck it out and move on.
  10. Why must I be the one to compromise and change? After being rejected, I’m the one who will have to work harder to make a friendship work. I need to push my feelings aside, try to get over the guy, and so on. But hell. Why should a friendship be so hard? It’s just not worth it.
  11. I’ve learned from the past and don’t want to go back. The reason why I feel so strongly about not being friends with someone I’m interested in is because I’ve been there. I know how crappy it feels to want to be with someone who only sees me as a friend. I know how crappy it is to see them all the time and try to embrace a friendship, but secretly be dying inside. I’m having none of it now. Getting rejected was out of my control, but suffering isn’t. I don’t think anyone’s friendship is good enough for me if I’m going to be going through hell to make it happen or if I’m going to be sad most of the time. I have nothing to prove. I don’t have to be the nice girl who agreed to be friends. I just want to be happy, and I will be by walking away.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.