How Waiting To Sleep With Him Can Improve Your Chances Of Forming A Real Relationship

If quick hookups and one-night stands are your thing, more power to you. However, for women looking for a meaningful, more long-term relationship, waiting to have sex might actually be the best approach to finding one.

  1. It gives you a sense of power. Being a little fussier about who you sleep with is empowering. You get to make the rules—whether you want to wait seven dates, two months, or until you hear those magical three words, you’re the boss. There’s something wonderfully powerful (and sexy) to letting your voice be heard, even if what you’re saying is no.
  2. It teaches you to learn to value yourself. You know your body is a temple, blah blah, but waiting to have sex teaches us to appreciate that on another level. Your body is a temple. It demands worship and respect. Your emotions, physical sense of self, sexuality, and even orgasms are valuable and you should actively choose who you share them with. Find a worthy worshipper and don’t settle for less!
  3. It doesn’t mean you can’t play around. Not having sex doesn’t mean you can’t date around and get your kicks—in fact, you should! Test the waters and meet as many charming men as you have time for. Learn to get to know potential partners in other, more creative ways. And if you want to test the water physically, it doesn’t have to mean intercourse; you control the limits and what feels right to you.
  4. It helps you figure out what you want. Giving yourself the freedom to date without having sex gives you time to know what you like. Date outside of your normal type, find men you can connect to emotionally and intelligently as opposed to physically, and give them time to spark that fire.
  5. It gives a relationship time to grow. Now you’ve found a special man and you’re getting those warm and fuzzy feelings. Be patient here. Rather than having sex, have all-nighters sharing everything from imaginary childhood friends to favorite power rangers. Get to intimately know this person before you share your most intimate self with him.
  6. It means he really has to respect you. Yes, the perk of dating you is getting down in the sheets with your hot self, and any man worthy of that should respect waiting until you are ready. We’re not advocating for testing your guy, but if he can’t wait, puts pressure on you, or disrespects your wishes, wave goodbye.
  7. It won’t leave you with regrets. Choosing to not have sex means you’re staying away from those one-night stands and quick hookup situations. You’re actively avoiding waking up in the morning in an unfamiliar bed wondering what you did the night before. No more walks of shame and sneaking out of the nameless-guy-from-the-bar’s parents’ basement. Phew.
  8. It’s cleaner, healthier, and safer. Being sexually active with a guy you only just met can lead to disaster. STDs and unwanted pregnancies are unfortunately still a thing of the present, and going home with a guy that you hardly know can be even more dangerous. Waiting to know your partner means you can be confident that you’re entering a sexual relationship with someone clean, healthy, and safe.
  9. It takes some of the pressure off. Imagine going on a date and not having to shave your pits or legs (or the bit in between). Imagine the carelessness and freedom of not having to worry if you said something embarrassing or if he’s sitting on your more-flattering side. Welcome to no-sex dating where you can let go of yourself easier. Be yourself without worrying about where the night will end. You’re not closing yourself off to intimacy, you’re opening the doors to it—no pressure!
  10. It makes sex better. Finally, the time has come. You’ve found a great guy who’s kind and respectful and values you for your wit and charm and love of small, fluffy four-legged animals or ice cream trips at 1 a.m. You’re ready to take it to the next level. Well, you’ve just had the best foreplay ever. All this dating, talking, touching, teasing has just set you up for the best sex of your life with someone you truly care about and who feels the same towards you! Now you can enjoy your nights, days, and weekends making up for time spent waiting, and you’ll be switching that relationship status sooner than you think.
Felicity is a first and foremost a writer. Otherwise, she's a cat-and-dog lady, an international wanderer and a lover of all things self-improvement. She likes to keep her mouth shut and her ears open...and then distil everything she's learned into funny, thoughtful life lessons.