I Choose My Boyfriends Based On Who I Can See Myself Retiring With

I know I’m young and retirement is at least 40 years away, but I still don’t want to date someone who’s fun right now but annoying as heck when we’re 60. That’s why I look for these 13 characteristics now, so I can ensure my significant other is going to be the person I’m with when I’m older, crankier, and no longer obsessed with maintaining my eyebrows.

1. A Wicked Sense Of Humor I’m not looking for someone with the same exact sense of humor as me. I want him to be just as goofy, yes, but in a different way. He can make jokes that are satirical and I’ll laugh at content relating to poop and penises. This way, we’ll never get bored of each other’s jokes and I’ll always be able to say, “That’s not funny” with a slight sarcastic twang and an eye-roll.
2. An insatiable appetite for challenges The only way to avoid boredom is to constantly be looking for a challenge. He doesn’t need to be running 5K marathons all the time, but I want him to be constantly looking something to push him. Whether that’s in his personal life or professional. It’s easy to fall into a rut and I don’t want that to happen to him. I want us both to believe in personal growth and to never stop trying to be the best versions of ourselves.
3. Health consciousness If he’s not taking care of himself right now, he’s probably going to age horribly in his 60s. I’m pretty sure science can back me up on this one! In order to look and feel good later, you have to put the effort in now. I want him to be active and watch what he eats. I’m looking for someone I can enjoy retirement with. I want us to travel and do spontaneous things and we can’t do that if he’s too out of shape to keep up (sorry not sorry).
4. Homebody Tendencies I’m a homebody and I don’t see myself changing anytime soon. Nor, do I want to. I don’t mind compromising and going out every now and then, but I’m looking for a partner I can have fun with while doing absolutely nothing on my couch or daybed (you better believe I’ll have a daybed when I’m 60).
5. Honesty I want him to be honest with me and with himself. It’s important I end up with a guy who’s truthful enough to admit when he’s wrong. If he can’t see his own shortcomings, he’ll never be able to improve. Being 100% truthful means he’ll have the ability to be real with himself and recognize that he’s not perfect, and that’s perfectly okay.
6. Respectful and clear communication skills I don’t want to be with someone who’s exactly like me, but I also don’t necessarily want my polar opposite. I want a partner who complements me, especially when it comes to my communication skills. He has to know how to speak to me even when I’m being dramatic. I don’t want him to judge me and I don’t want him to talk behind my back. We can fight and bicker, but as long as we do it with love that’s all that matters.
7. Maturity I want a guy who’s mature about his life goals AND mature about his finances — that’s a big one! He can splurge on video games and supplements (that’s what guys typically splurge on, right?) but I don’t want him making purchases that leave him with only $10 in his bank account. We’re too old for that ish!
8. The Ability To Turn Me On I’m a Leo, and according to the sun and stars, that means I’m more interested in the emotional part of a relationship rather than the physical. I wouldn’t believe this zodiac characteristic if It weren’t true to me. He could be the worst lover in bed, but if he turns me on emotionally, I’m good. He needs to be expressive and vocal about his love for me, and how great I am, blah blah blah. Positive affirmation is what gets my lady parts juiced!
9. Self-Discipline I’m not naive enough to think my boyfriend is only EVER going to have eyes for me. There are going to be times when he finds someone else attractive. I probably will too. That’s fine! As long as he has the self-discipline to not put himself in a situation that could cause destruction to our relationship, I’m cool.
10. Conscientiousness Being conscious basically means he’s self-aware. It means he knows how his actions impact others and he makes decisions with that in mind. In other words, I don’t want a guy who’s NOT a douche bag. I want him to think before he does things and actively consider how other’s might respond to him. You’d think this one would be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, thinking before opening your mouth isn’t a super common characteristic for us millennials. Shame!
11. Slow To Anger He doesn’t have to be passive-aggressive, but I don’t want him to be overly assertive or quick to the trigger. I want a relationship filled with laughter, not one where it feels like I’m walking on eggshells afraid that he might blow his casket if I say something wrong. I can’t handle that kind of stressful lifestyle!
12. Patience Relationships don’t just happen, especially long-term relationships. They take time to develop and thrive. The older we get, the more we’ll probably get on each other’s nerves. And if we’re not tolerable of each other’s weird quirks and silly logic, there’s no way we’ll make it (and I’m not getting divorced at the ripe old age of 65).