I Dated A Guy Who Hates Sex (Yes, They Exist)

I Dated A Guy Who Hates Sex (Yes, They Exist) ©iStock/101dalmatians

Yes, you read that correctly: I once dated a guy who hated having sex. I don’t know how it’s possible, and I certainly didn’t know that guys were even capable of hating sex (I thought it was always the woman?), but trust me when I say he was not a fan of doing the deed. It might have been the strangest relationship I’ve ever had if it wasn’t for the fact that everything else was normal. So much of it didn’t make sense that I started to feel a little crazy, and I still don’t think I really understand what was going on. Here’s what it was like:

  1. He didn’t like oral. Giving or receiving… but he preferred to give on the occasions he could be talked into it. WTF?
  2. He hated foreplay. The few times we actually did have sex, he wanted to get right to it. No foreplay at all, which of course was awesome for me… not.
  3. He had to be pretty tipsy/drunk to sleep with me. If I knew I wanted some, I had to make sure there was plenty to drink. He was almost interested in sex then. Almost.
  4. His friends had no idea how much he hated sex. Whenever we would leave a party early or show up late, his friends would joke it was because we were too busy getting busy. I wish!
  5. He wasn’t just disinterested in sex with me. I knew a girl he had dated briefly before me and I asked her what their sex life was like (I couldn’t help myself).  Apparently he was the same way with her.
  6. He would pretend he had no idea what I was talking about.
  7. He liked PDA. He would hold my hand and kiss me in public, so he had no issues being close and touchy feely. However, in private, he just wasn’t into getting intimate.
  8. He would comment on how hot he thought I was all the time. So, he appreciated how I looked, but not enough to want to have sex with me? So confusing.
  9. He watched sex online. I found sex on his computer, so I know he watched it. What he was doing while watching it, I have no idea.
  10. He had a kid with another woman! So, I get you only need to do the deed once to have a baby, but he dated her for a while and got her preggers. Maybe he became gun shy after?
  11. He hated condoms. I found this one weird for a dude who didn’t want to have sex in the first place, and had a child from a previous relationship. One would think you’d want to wrap it up, since you rarely have sex. Nope, not this weirdo.
  12. He gave the weakest excuses. He had my ovulation cycle memorized or something, so that was an excuse. He didn’t like period sex, was too tired on weeknights, was too drunk on weekends, didn’t want the neighbors to hear, was too sore from the gym, thought I was coming down with a cold, etc., etc.
  13. When we did actually have sex, he was into it! I don’t know if it was just for show to try to get me off quicker, but when we had sex, he was into it. It never lasted very long — shocker, I know — but for those blissful eight minutes, he was willing and able.
  14. He broke up with me because he said I wasn’t sensual enough. I literally cannot even right now.
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314