I Teach Men How To Get Away With Cheating — And I’m Not Sorry

I Teach Men How To Get Away With Cheating — And I’m Not Sorry

When I was first described as the “Hitch of the cheating world,” I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or insulted. I’ve been cheating on my wife for 10 years and have never been caught, and in large part, it’s because I’m lucky and careful. I’ve found cheating to be an art but also very stressful. Movies and magazines can sometimes make it look glamorous. A suave businessman like me always gets glorified and portrayed as a loveable hero. But the truth is, finding women to cheat with, having affairs, and then having them end can take their toll. So why do I blog about my own cheating and teach other men how to get away with it?

  1. I know I’m broken. Cheating is wrong. I know it would break my family into pieces if I ever got caught. But there’s something about the rush and adrenaline of getting attention from one or many beautiful women (without the nagging) that’s such a high! It’s like that hit you get when you eat a cheeky KFC or after having an amazing workout session. The dopamine release can’t even be put into words. I’m a risk taker by nature, and that coupled with my love of attention is the perfect cocktail for a guy like me.
  2. It gives me a bit of a release. We all know that “loose lips sink ships.” Very few people can be trusted with the fact I cheat. Can you just imagine I tell a dear friend in confidence, he tells his wife and swears her to secrecy, she tells the hairdresser in private, and on and on the Chinese Whispers flow until it gets to my own wife! No thanks!! Not worth the risk.
  3. People seem interested in my experiences. When I started my blog, I had just come out of a bad relationship with my last affair partner (AP). By the way, that’s what it’s called today. The word “mistress” is rarely used (perhaps because there’s no male word for mistress), “side chick” seems tacky and implies the relationship has no value, and “girlfriend” almost seems juvenile. Anyhow, I digress. I had just broken up with her and realized that I’d been cheating for over ten years. And whilst on a flight back from Switzerland, pondered what it would be like to get all my stories, pitfalls, and advice out on a blog. It also felt like the perfect outlet to air all my dirty laundry. And so I went about having a digital agency set a blog up for me and I began to write. I called it Cheater’s Handbook. At first, I thought no one under the sun would read what I had to say and just journaling my antics would be therapeutic. But not long after publishing my second blog post, a national newspaper approached me for an article. I was shocked. Soon after that was published, another national newspaper approached me. Readership started to grow. Before long, my visitors went through the roof, along with the mass of messages from men giving me high-five emojis.
  4. I do get hate mail, but the response is overwhelmingly positive. Admittedly, I do get my fair share of hate mail. However, the men continue to thank me because while I don’t glamorize cheating, I was able to impart some great knowledge thanks to my experience. The idea behind the blog wasn’t just to help people cheat but to also protect them from getting caught. I talk about everything from how to get ready, to which dating sites are the best to find affairs, to how to deal with falling in love with your affair partner, how to deal with the breakup, and everything in between.
  1. Despite everything, I don’t consider myself a cheater. I’ve got this philosophy that’s similar to the ‘tree in the woods conundrum.’ No doubt you will have heard this. If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? I’ve always thought of this and applied it to cheating. If someone cheats and never gets caught cheating, can they be called a cheater? I know I cheat but I’m not a cheater. It’s a completely different mentality.
  2. Cheating makes many men better partners. From personal experience, I know there’s something about cheating that makes me a better husband. Many of the men who have emailed me after reading my blog have said the same thing. Think about it for a second. Picking up women and being honest about being married is one tough mission. You’re hardly the catch of the century, especially when you know you’re competing against single and often younger men. So what does it take? Well, let’s start with the obvious. It takes a good physique meaning regular trips to the gym, some nice clothes, some imagination, and some charm. All of these things benefit our wives too. Also, given that I get my outlet in life from my affair partners, I’m substantially more present around my wife and kids when I’m home (especially when I keep my burner phone at work). Some men go out for a boy’s night out, some smoke, some do drugs. I cheat.
  3. I don’t expect everyone to agree with what I do. Now, if you’ve made it this far, you’re going to be filled with a mix of emotions. You may have been cheated on and if so, then I’m going to come across as the devil. Contrarily, if you cheat or are curious about it, I’m more likely to come across as a bit of an inspiration. If you think about it, Ashley Madison, the world’s oldest dating site for affairs, has 60 million users. That tells me there are at least 60 million people out there who have considered cheating, tried it once, or are serial cheaters like me. Either way, cheating happens a lot. I’m in no position to either encourage or discourage people to do it.
  4. I’m open about the fact that I know it’s wrong. I’m realistic enough to accept that it’s stressful. And if you happen to develop feelings for your AP it’s even harder (don’t even get me started on how soul-destroying the breakups are). But I want to ensure those who do cheat, men and women, do so knowing the pitfalls and also how to cover their tracks and how to not get caught. If you do it right, and cheat the right way with the right person, there’s something very magical about it. To get those butterflies in your stomach and feel loved by someone else is beyond words. I find it hard to be sorry about that.