Manipulators love using psychological tricks to try to get one over on their victims. While it would be great if these behaviors were obvious, sometimes they’re more subtle and underhanded than you’d first expect. Here are some major red flags to watch out for so you can be aware and avoid becoming (or remaining) their victim.
1. They Try to Control the Conversation.
Manipulators often use conversation control as a means to shape and direct discussions to their advantage. They tend to constantly interrupt, dominate the conversation, or dismiss your input, making it challenging for you to express your thoughts and feelings. This tactic aims to undermine your voice and influence the narrative in their favor, ultimately giving them control over the situation. Recognizing this behavior is essential in maintaining healthy communication, as it enables you to assert your own opinions and boundaries.
2. They Employ Gaslighting Techniques.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that involves making you doubt your own reality. Manipulators may downplay your experiences, deny facts, or even insist that you’re imagining things. Over time, this erodes your confidence in your own perceptions and memories, leaving you vulnerable to their influence. Gaslighting is a particularly insidious tactic, as it can leave you feeling confused, isolated, and uncertain about your own judgment.
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4. They Use Emotional Blackmail.
Emotional blackmail is a manipulative technique where someone uses your feelings of guilt, fear, or obligation to make you comply with their wishes. They may threaten to withdraw their affection, support, or approval if you don’t do as they say. This creates a sense of obligation and pressure, making it difficult for you to assert your own needs and boundaries. Recognizing emotional blackmail allows you to establish healthier emotional boundaries and resist manipulation.
5. They make you feel like you owe them.
Manipulators often work to create a sense of indebtedness within the relationship. They may shower you with excessive favors, gifts, or attention, leading you to feel obligated to reciprocate in some way. This perceived debt can make it challenging to say no or set boundaries, as you may fear disappointing or upsetting the manipulator. Understanding the dynamics of obligation in your relationships is key to maintaining your autonomy and ensuring that your actions are not driven solely by external pressure.
6. They Isolate You from other people.
Isolation is a powerful manipulation tactic that involves cutting you off from friends and family. Manipulators do this to gain more control over you, making you dependent on their support and approval. Isolation can take the form of discouraging you from seeing loved ones, spreading rumors or distrust among your social circle, or even making you feel guilty for spending time with others. Recognizing isolation tactics helps you preserve your connections with friends and family and maintain a support system outside the manipulative relationship.
7. They Give Insincere Compliments.
Manipulators often use flattery and compliments as a means to gain your trust and manipulate your actions. They may excessively praise you, highlight your accomplishments, or shower you with compliments that seem too good to be true. These insincere compliments are designed to create a sense of indebtedness and loyalty, making it more challenging for you to see through their manipulation. Learning to discern between genuine and insincere compliments is essential for protecting yourself from manipulation.
8. They Play the Victim Card.
Manipulators frequently portray themselves as victims to gain sympathy and manipulate your actions. They may exaggerate or fabricate problems they’re facing, creating a narrative where they are the suffering party. This victim mentality can be used to evoke guilt or empathy, making you more likely to comply with their requests or overlook their manipulative behavior. Recognizing when someone is playing the victim card helps you maintain a balanced perspective and establish boundaries that protect your own well-being.
9. They give you the silent treatment.
Using the silent treatment as a form of punishment or control is a manipulative tactic aimed at making you bend to their will. When confronted with silence, you may feel anxious, guilty, or compelled to apologize or make amends, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. Manipulators use this tactic to create discomfort and pressure you into meeting their demands. Understanding the dynamics of silent treatment empowers you to maintain your self-respect and communicate your boundaries effectively.
10. They Use Fear and Intimidation.
Fear and intimidation are powerful manipulation tactics that involve making you feel threatened or unsafe. Manipulators may use aggressive language, threats, or displays of anger to control your actions and decisions. These tactics are meant to create a sense of vulnerability and compliance, often leading you to submit to their demands to avoid conflict or harm. Recognizing fear and intimidation tactics is crucial for preserving your safety and well-being in relationships.
11. They use love bombing.
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic where someone showers you with excessive attention, affection, and praise in the early stages of a relationship. While it may seem like an overwhelming display of affection, the underlying motive is to quickly gain your trust and attachment. Once you’re emotionally invested, manipulators may gradually shift their behavior, becoming more controlling or demanding. Recognizing love bombing helps you maintain a balanced perspective and take time to assess the authenticity of the relationship before making significant commitments.
12. They Use the “Foot-in-the-Door” Technique.
This is a manipulation tactic that involves getting you to agree to a small request first, followed by a larger, more significant demand. Manipulators use your initial agreement as leverage to push for their ultimate goal. This tactic capitalizes on the psychological principle of commitment, as people tend to be more likely to comply with a larger request after agreeing to a smaller one. Recognizing the “foot-in-the-door” technique allows you to be more mindful of your own boundaries and evaluate whether you genuinely want to agree to subsequent requests.
