I know everyone gets eager in the early stages of their relationship, but we’re not 12 anymore. Sometimes you can suffocate a relationship or get too comfortable too early in. These things take time, and intimacy can’t be forced. That’s why if you find yourself pulling all the weight in a relationship, even if it’s just in terms of getting in touch, you have to stop. Here are some reasons why you need to protect yourself and stop texting first all the time.
It means you’re putting in all the effort.
Simple as that. Relationships should be reciprocated and mutually beneficial. If you feel like you’re more invested than the other person, it’ll show. Sending eight consecutive texts on your second date isn’t a good look. For many reasons. It also suggests that you might be too attached to your phone, or childish. Maturity is all about understanding that other people need space. It’s a phase we all grow out of, but you have to give the other person a chance to take charge too.
It will make him complacent.
If he starts to realize that he can get all your attention without putting any effort in, you’ll notice how that affects the rest of your relationship. First of all, he’ll stop trying to impress you and get to know you. These are key aspects to the starting out phases of a relationship, and if you skip through them too quickly, you will find yourself up a creek with no paddle.
You will learn to accept the bare minimum.
Frankly put, you’re worth more than that. Everyone is. Not only will you be getting a half-hearted relationship, but your guy will be too. He won’t get to understand the emotionally available, mentally complex parts of a relationship either. Neither of you will be fulfilled, but you won’t realize it. This is why it’s important to demand parity even in the social media habits you have. They have consequences.
A “Good morning” text isn’t too much to ask.
We know this. He knows it. Hell, Gwen from down the road knows it. But as long as he knows he can get away with it then he won’t do it. Men are funny like that. But, I guess women are too, so I shouldn’t get too dramatic. It’s 2021, everyone knows how important social media can be to long-distance relationships. You have to play the game some time to make relationships work.
You’ll start to feel that your needs are silly.
If you are gaslit into thinking that wanting a “goodnight” text or equivalent is silly or childish by your partner, that’s totally the wrong attitude. Your person should encourage you to be yourself and express your needs, not make you hide them or feel shame. That doesn’t make your relationship a safe space. If your partner doesn’t make you feel safe, who will? Well, lots of people, but he should know that it’s important to you and that should be enough.
Assert your expectations early.
If you start to dismiss your desires and needs and comforts this early in a relationship then when it comes to the really big stuff you won’t have the language or history with your partner to articulate it. It will sow the seeds of unhappiness and the problem will become bigger over time unless you nip it in the bud now and stop texting first. That sounds dramatic, but you can see the logic.
You wouldn’t accept that in a friend, why in a partner?
We all like to pretend that we’re above it all, but the truth is that we notice when a friend stops replying as much or if they aren’t putting in the same energy as you. That hurts. Therefore, when it’s amplified in a relationship, you would never put yourself through that without cause. Stand up for yourself, no matter how insubstantial the issues might seem. Demand that he shows his cards every now and then.
They know exactly what they’re doing.
Okay, here’s the rub. We’re all emotionally complex and we all know that our actions have consequences. Plus, no matter how clueless it is convenient for us to think that guys are, they are self-aware creatures. If they continue to play us around and make us feel silly by refusing to text first a few times, then how do we expect them to actually compromise on big issues later down the line? It’s such a no-no.
The answer is that we can’t, and that’s why you have to assert yourself and be clear about what you expect in a partner in these early stages. Otherwise, friends, you might find it is suddenly too late.
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The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…
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