If These 9 Things Haven’t Happened A Month Into Your Relationship, It’s Going Nowhere

A month may not seem like a long time to be in a relationship with someone but it’s a significant marker for the future of your relationship. By the time you’re four weeks in, these things should be happening if the two of you stand a chance long-term.

You’ve spent time with him in the daylight hours. Laugh all you want, but nowadays, so many “relationships” stem from hookups. Sometimes it’s only ever going to be about sex, but if the guy is willing to spend time with you during the day—or better yet, he suggests it himself—that’s a really good sign he’s interested in more than just someone to text and get laid by when he’s done bro-ing out with his dudes at the bar.

He responds to texts within a decent time frame. OK, this might seem a little silly but we live in a world where we’re all pretty addicted to our phones. We rely on them for most of our communication to the point that an emoji can make or break a relationship. At the beginning, texting is something you’ll be doing a lot of, so pay attention to how he replies and how much time it takes him to do it. If it’s careless and sporadic, he may not be interested and you may need to limit your investment.

He’s eager to make plans and he actually keeps them. When you’re not into a guy, you can flake out on him without feeling all that bad about it. When you really like someone, that thought doesn’t even enter your mind. If a guy’s showing you that kind of attention, it really speaks volumes to his interest in you. You want a dude who’s excited to see you and doesn’t expect you to take the reins 24/7. He should be an active participant in your relationship.

You’re no longer afraid of opening up and being yourself. One of the biggest wrenches you can throw into a relationship to sabotage it is letting your past experiences determine how you act in your present one. If you don’t feel the need to do that a few weeks in, that’s huge. You want to be around someone you can be your uncensored self with and not worry that one stupid move you made three years ago is going to send him running for the hills.

You’ve met the friends and even some family and vice versa. If you’re truly interested in someone, you get excited to introduce them to your world, right? If the relationship is going to grow, it’s probably better to get this out of the way sooner rather than later. You trust your friends’ judgment, so seeing what they think of your guy and how they interact together is important. Same goes for your family—he needs to know the crazy crew you come from. The same works in reverse, too.

You’ve had a fight and it was actually handled well. I’m not saying that if you haven’t had at least one spat within a month’s time, it won’t work out, but chances are some form of disagreement is going to happen. This is a good opportunity to find out how you handle things as a couple when it comes to not seeing eye to eye. If you can make it through a fight without totally losing your head, that’s something to applaud and definitely worth pursuing.

He’s shared one or more of his favorite things with you. Not only do people get excited to introduce their partners to the important people in their lives, but they also get excited to show off their interests. If he hasn’t wanted you to watch his favorite show or hear his favorite band, he probably won’t be seeing you long-term. It might sound harsh, but a month is more than enough time to start bringing out the passions and the guilty pleasures.

He genuinely respects you. There’s going to come a time when it becomes evident whether or not the guy you’re dating truly respects you. It could be subtle, like the way he addresses you in public or when he puts your needs before his in even a small way. This might be difficult to spot sometimes but it’s essential to know how you’ll be treated moving forward. If you’re not going to be respected, what’s the point? Get out before you get hurt.

Your intimacy levels match. Whether you choose to go all the way in the first four weeks or not is up to you, but if you’re not ready and he’s putting on the pressure, that says a lot. Both of you need to be on the same page with the way you think about and approach sex. If you can talk about it openly then you’ve got a good chance at having that kind of great communication in the future.

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