It’s easy to point the finger at other members of your family when your relationships are toxic. But, instead of shifting the blame, you have to be willing to do a bit of self-reflection. Are you doing anything that’s making those family relationships more strained? Could you be the one overreacting or stirring the pot, even if you don’t mean to? If you see any of the following traits inside yourself, you might be the toxic one and should try to change your behavior.
1. You can be overly critical.
When you spend time with your family, you tend to find flaws and faults in them. You’re always nitpicking and telling them what they should be doing. Although you might say this is done in a joking manner, it’s not fun. It can make the atmosphere awkward, while totally ignoring their strengths and positive traits. It leads you into a negative cycle and can make difficult relationships even more strained.
2. You sometimes struggle to take responsibility.
If you’re toxic, you won’t want to take any accountability for your actions or the situation you’re dealing with. So, during a fight, you’ll only focus on what the other person has done, without realizing that you could have contributed to some of the conflict. You also don’t apologize, always letting your family members chase you down to make things right. It’s rare for one party to be completely wrong and the other to be right — there are usually lots of gray areas.
3. You can be manipulative at times.
When your sister doesn’t give you money you requested from her, do you guilt her into feeling bad or doing what you want? Do you lie to your family members to get your way or to make them fight each other? You’re sidestepping open and honest communication to destroy your family bonds and make your family members feel like they’re chess pieces. It’s disrespectful and can turn your family against you.
4. You tend to play the victim at times.
Do you always feel wronged by others? Although you might have good reasons to feel like your family is targeting you, it doesn’t help anyone to focus on your wounds and spend years nursing them. You’ve got to move forward to have healthier relationships, and you can’t do that if you’re always feeling like you’re being treated badly.
5. You might find it hard to be empathetic.
You regularly dismiss or ignore your family members’ feelings. Maybe you can’t seem to feel or imagine what they’re experiencing. This could be happening because you tend to focus on yourself. Try to flip the script by engaging with them and listening to what they have to say before rolling your eyes or changing the subject. It might surprise you to discover what they’re going through.
6. You may overstep boundaries on occasion.
It might be common for your family to lack boundaries, but this can make your relationships uncomfortable and toxic. If you’re always overstepping your family members’ boundaries, such as by ignoring their need for privacy, this can lead to major conflict. It’s disrespectful to think you can make people do things you want without any consideration for their needs.
7. You sometimes create unnecessary drama.
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You might be stirring up drama at family get-togethers or on the family group chat for several reasons. Maybe you want to get attention, even if it’s negative, or you’re jealous of your family members bonds and feel left out. But, this doesn’t do you any favors — it just makes the situation worse. And, you can’t create happy relationships if you’re always making the day turn sour.
8. Â You’re often a bit jealous of them.
Perhaps you’re dealing with feelings of jealousy and envy. Maybe you’re envious of your siblings’ achievements or you’re feeling resentful of how your parents never thought of you as their favorite child. These feelings can be heavy and toxic, so try to deal with them. Find your own self-worth instead of feeling like you’re not as good as your family. When you deal with your own issues, you can see relationships with your family in a new light.
9. You tend to keep your family at a distance.
If you’re struggling to interact with your family, perhaps because you feel they don’t “get” you, you might keep them at a distance, whether physically or emotionally. Isolating yourself might feel good in the moment, but over time it can deepen family wounds and make you miss out on opportunities to connect and build strong bonds.
10. You may hold grudges.
If you’ve had big fights with your family or you were hurt by them, you might struggle to let the past go. Maybe you’re holding onto grudges and don’t want to forgive them for what they’ve done to you. But, this makes it impossible for you to move forward and have a healthier future together. You should try to forgive them, and while you’re at it, try to forgive yourself! This could be holding you back, so don’t stand in your own way.
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