I’m Not Your Ex, So Why Are You Punishing Me For Things She Did?

I’m Not Your Ex, So Why Are You Punishing Me For Things She Did? ©iStock/mediaphotos

I realize that your unstable she-beast of an ex-girlfriend put you through hell however many years ago, but I don’t deserve to be punished for that. I had absolutely nothing to do with her estrogen-infused evil and your leftover disdain for her has no place in a new relationship. I understand that she inflicted a lot of pain on you that you didn’t deserve, but there are still some things I’d like to say to you.

  1. I’m not the one who cheated on you. I’m a completely different person from the one who was an unfaithful and lying. I would never do that to you, yet here you are, accusing me of doing things behind your back for no reason. I’m not that kind of person and I never will be. If you feel the need to comb through every message and file on my phone, I suppose you can, but you’d be wasting your time. Cheating isn’t in my nature in the first place, so you won’t find anything incriminating. You’d be more satisfied looking through all the weirdly hilarious YouTube videos I have saved on there.
  2. I’ve never treated you like I’m better than you. I thought we were equals. Your attitude towards me shows me that I was mistaken, apparently. If you’re feeling unsure for whatever reason, you should talk to me before you start assuming the worst from me and giving me the cold shoulder for things I’ve never done. There is no power imbalance in our relationship. You have an equal say in things here and I will never bring you down or shut you down. Don’t you get that already?
  3. Your accusations are insulting. I despise cheaters and liars and all the crappy behavior that comes with them. To be lumped into the same category with people like that is infuriating. Confronting someone after finding some kind of evidence of their indiscretions is completely understandable, but I’ve never done anything to hurt you. Your accusations are baseless, and it’s sad you can’t see that.
  4. You’re irreparably damaging my view of you. I used to think so highly of you, but when you treat me like I’m the same as your terrible exes, it’s impossible for me to look at you the same way. I’m not like them. I’m incapable of being like them. I’ve never treated you the way they did, so why do you think I’m even remotely like them? If you saw a fraction of your exes in me when we met, you should have run screaming in the other direction like a fire-breathing bear on rocket skates was chasing you.
  5. Your insecurity is unattractive. I’m with you because I choose to be and I think you’re great. There is no reason for this toxic insecurity to seep into every aspect of our relationship. Your ex messed you up and I get that, but it’s not fair to associate that dysfunction with me. Insecurity is unattractive as hell in both sexes, but it can be fixed.
  6. Your lack of trust in me is devastating. I’ve never given you any reason not to trust me, so where is this punishment coming from? Not being trusted when you trust your partner completely is a horrendous feeling. Trust isn’t something that is given easily, yet you seem hell-bent on dismantling it brick by brick for no good reason.
  7. You have to get over your ex. It’s been years now. You need to let all of that baggage go so you can move on and be happy with your life. You’ll never end up in a functional relationship if the ghost of your ex is following you around everywhere you go like a clingy creeper. Part of letting those things go is accepting the fact that not everyone you let inside is going to ruin your life.
Lauren Clark is a writer and news curator based in Denver, Colorado with bylines here on Bolde and at Inside.com. While she’s vehemently anti-social media, you can find her on LinkedIn.