I’m Not Negative About Love—I’m Just Realistic

There’s a difference between being negative and being pragmatic. I don’t hate on love—I’m all about it. I am, however, more in tune with the realities of love than I once was. Here’s why I changed my point of view.

  1. I’ve learned that love is complicated. It’s not negative to say that love is a difficult skill to master—it’s simply the truth. I make mistakes and I flounder through it, and just as I think I understand something, I realize I don’t know anything at all. Love is constantly humbling and surprising. I know that now.
  2. I don’t want to settle and I know that means I might end up alone. This isn’t a pessimistic statement because it’s all too sadly true! None of us are guaranteed the love we want. I’m not willing to take less than I know I deserve but I’m aware that the love I deserve might not come to me. I’d love to believe it will but I can’t be sure so I have to be okay with that.
  3. I’m very particular when it comes to dating so I don’t waste my time. I think this is the best area in which to be practical—why chase after guys who don’t deserve me? I’d rather spend time on my own or with my friends than squander more nights out with hopelessly incompatible men. I’ll wait until someone really piques my interest.
  4. I’ve come to understand that there’s a lot more to life than romantic love. I used to think that having a man who loved me completely was the be-all and end-all of existence. If I didn’t have that, I was unhappy. Funny enough, once I learned to love myself and my life regardless of relationship status, I became content.
  5. I’m open to what happens, I’m just not expecting anything. I haven’t shut my heart against the possibility of love—far from it. I’m always ready and waiting for someone amazing to come into my life. I’m simply practical about the fact that I don’t know when—or if—that will occur.
  6. I’ve stopped pining away over men I’ll never have. I used to waste a ton of time crying over men I wanted who didn’t want me. It happens all the time—I want guys I can’t have and I don’t want guys who are into me. That hasn’t changed, but I’ve stopped wasting my life hoping for what will never happen.
  7. I’ve realized that nothing about love is ever life-or-death. I used to think breakups were the end of the world. If my heart hurt, nothing else mattered. If I was in love, I was invincible. That’s no way to live. Happiness isn’t sustainable if it depends on relationship status. I got realistic and stopped giving love ultimate importance.
  8. I know I can have a great life without a partner but I’d still like one. I already do have a great life and I’ve been single quite a while. I’m honestly the happiest I’ve ever been because now I understand how to love myself enough to be alone. I would like to bring my new, evolved self into a relationship, though.
  9. I’ve seen too much mediocre love to ever settle. I don’t think it’s negative to want the most from love – I think it’s actually a very positive sentiment! Rather than telling myself I’ll never have what I want, I remain open and hopeful but I don’t let my entire existence hinge on what happens with my romantic life.
  10. I’ve also seen extraordinary love, so I know it is possible. The realistic side of me provides the voice of reason—I might never get extraordinary love. I might hold out forever and end up alone. I’d still rather do that a thousand times over than be with someone who doesn’t make me happy.
  11. I know I’d rather be alone forever than not get the love I want. I’m not sitting in a corner bitter and angry hating all men or hating the universe for not dropping my soulmate into my lap. I am simply calm, content, moving forward with my own goals, and hoping for the best.
  12. I’m aware that relationships take a ton of work and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Let’s get really realistic here—I can be lazy when it comes to dating. If I’m not super into a man, I’m not going to put in much effort. I’ve gotten burned too often in the past. I’m hoping that when the right guy comes along I’ll know.
  13. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find my true love – and that’s okay. It sounds depressing, but it’s practical. Do I hope to find big love? Of course I do. If I was negative, I would assume that it will never happen and go hide under a rock somewhere. I’m simply accepting of the fact that I don’t know what will develop.
  14. I refuse to waste time and energy chasing men. Been there, made that mistake already. The man worth having will make an effort—I’ve realized that finally. Every time I chase, I end up with someone who doesn’t really want me. I’m not doing it anymore. If no one ever steps up to the plate, then so be it.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.