I Intentionally Date Men Who Are Bad For Me & It Helps Me Stay Sane

Some women spend their whole lives running away from toxic guys, guys who bring out the worst in them, but not me. I actively gravitate towards terrible dudes and it’s actually the best thing for my sanity. It may sound strange, but it works for me.

I get bored easily in relationships. Before I get to know a person well enough, I’m already over them. It’s not just relationships, I’m like this with everything in life. I find it hard to focus on one thing for a long period. I’m always looking for the next thrill, something new to get my blood pumping again. Dating crappy guys helps with this since they’re already not-so-great I don’t feel guilty about moving on from them as quickly as I do.

Loving a good guy is too much work. I know that nurturing a good relationship and loving the right person the right way is hard work—hard, consistent work that I’m not ready for. It would be unfair to start things with a good guy and leave him out in the cold when I know that I can’t and won’t do what it takes to make it work.

The women in my life aren’t the best role models. The older women I know aren’t the best at selecting good men either, and I guess their bad habits rubbed off on me. The big difference is that I know exactly what I’m getting into but I choose to carry the cross anyway.

Normalcy is overrated. Finding the right person that has their act together and is ready to settle into a lifetime of loving you is probably everyone’s dream… except mine. What’s the point of true love anyway? I don’t need it to have relationships that I find fulfilling. As long as no one is getting hurt, I’m happy to accept the good experiences for a while even if they’re with a crappy guy. We can just abandon ship when something more interesting comes along.

I like my men tall and emotionally unavailable. I’m emotionally unavailable, so by default it’d be cruel for me to knowingly date someone who isn’t. I’m down for the temporary excitement, but at the mention of long-term commitment, I disappear.  It’s better for me to date men who understand this and feel the same way too.

I don’t get frustrated when they misbehave or leave. There are never any surprises with the men I choose to date. I know they’re crappy people and I don’t expect any better from them. This way, my emotions and mental state are always protected. Nothing they do can elicit more than an indifferent sigh from me, so breakups and other relationship struggles are never painful for me.

Why date a guy who’s good for me and open myself up to being hurt? I’m not big on big on emotional vulnerability, so I try to avoid situations where I have to be. I prefer not having any strong emotional connections with the men I date, which would be impossible if he was a good guy and I started to really care about him. That’d eventually lead to me getting hurt and I can’t think of a good reason to take a chance on that.

I don’t have to give more than I’m gettingThe thing about dating men who are bad for me is that I can freely reciprocate whatever energy I’m given. If he wants to be cold and aloof, he’ll get cold and aloof right back. If he acts sweet and romantic, I’ll act that way too. I don’t feel obligated to do anything to keep the relationship going.

I never let it go overboard. I’m not saying I’d date a man who hits me or is abusive in any way. Absolutely not. He’s allowed to not call me or communicate effectively, be distant, emotionally unavailable, not care so much about me, prioritize other things and people, and all those other toxic things that wouldn’t fly in a normal relationship. As long as his actions fall within the range of what I consider healthy, he can carry on as he pleases.

I know I deserve better but this will do for now. The wildly insightful quote from Stephen Chbosky’s popular novel, The Perks Of Being A Wallflower states, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” I don’t think I deserve to be loved by men who treat me badly or don’t love me in any grand way, but it’s exactly what works best for me. If I wanted better, I would date better men, but I don’t so here I am—and I’m satisfied with the way things are.

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